know when to hold 'em

okay, the unthinkable happened and the cardinals and red sox made it to the world series. there must have been some divine intervention involved here. so we get the perfect match up and what are the cardinals doing??? blowing it that's what! seriously, at least challenge the red sox. i mean you are the winningest team in baseball, at least show 'em how you got that title. ugh, why am i ranting on about this. i've been transformed into a baseball freak. pretty soon i'll be wearing the baseball earrings and carrying the transistor radio in my fanny pack. what a pretty picture.

on another note. went to hermann, had a great time. drank a little wine. never been a big fan of wine, still not. kristin had just a little too much and spent most of saturday afternoon and evening puking. saw a girl eat some dirty cheese, jeff got into a yelling match with a drunk girl and he was definetely "talking louder then she was" and had a guy lift his shirt up, rub his stomach while asking me how i was doing. to which i replied, "i'm not drunk, so this is not going to work on me." silly boy.

halloween is sounding more and more like a no go. i guess we need a weekend of rest. next weekend we'll head back to carbondale for jason and autumn's 30th birthday bash. they're going all out and having a mascarade party. how fun! can't wait, i think i'll get a big pouffy dress for the occassion. it's not often you get to wear pretty girly things.

dad's in baghdad this time around. i guess he's there for a 3 month tour. apparently he volunteered for this one. what a selfless man! i just sent him an email ranting on and on about the cardinals. he's probably wondering where all the baseball knowledge is coming from, certainly not from his dainty daughter. (well i guess dainty isn't a word to describe me at all). but you get the idea. although he's a self-proclaimed yankees fan he's gotta appreciate the two teams in the series. i mean they are both very deserving teams. but i still want the cards to win. go cards!

i've got the fever

so the cards just lost and are down a game in the championship series. aaron is an unhappy camper, throwing random articles of clothing, punching the floor. hopefully they can take the next two at home. bo sox are makin a comeback, let's set a new record in baseball, boys! who's your daddy now, damn yankees!

hermann this weekend, halloween next. gotta come up with a costume fast! got a few ideas. still don't know of any parties, cept one down in carbondale which i don't think we'll be attending. hopefully someone up here has one. aaron mentioned a big one at a surgeons house. we'll see.

go cards! go boston!

breakin the habit

so i have a new guilty pleasure. . . linkin park. i don't know how i got to listening to them, but i actually went out and purchased their cd. crazy, cause you know how much i hate buying cds. it's a great cd. it's got a beat i can dance to. j/k. let's just say that it wasn't a waste of money. i actually splurged and bought the new green day and the new elvis costello. when i go out, i go all out. i'll have to break them all in at work tomorrow. nick is gonna like that. at least i won't be listening to the same 4 songs over and over again like i have been the last 2 days. on the linkin park website they have a loop of the same 4 songs and i've just been letting it play all day. maybe i should bring in a pair of headphones so i can enjoy my music as much as like as loud as i like.

aaron's sucked me into baseball. go cards! i can't believe how into it he is. you would think he had a stake in the games! i wonder if he's made a few bets without my knowledge. i hope the cards win, they're the most deserving team in baseball. at least in my opinion.

candace's wedding was last saturday. i guess i didn't read the invite very well, cause it was just the reception that everybody was invited to. they kept it small, which was good. it was a great location the leaves were just changing so it made the perfect backdrop. i hung out with sherry, brandon and shea most of the time. i'm just not a people person, specially with people i barely know. of course candace looked fabulous. i was/am happy for her. speaking of weddings, when i got back from carbondale aaron had picked up two jewelry catalogs from the mall. no prompting from me. i wonder if he's seriously pondering the question now. i don't know if i should get excited, cause it's always been me that's been reluctant. ugh, i don't know how i feel. i always set my expectations so high, what if i don't have the reaction i should? that's probably what worries me the most, that it's going to be so anti-climatic. maybe if it's something that i lived for it would be a different story. i seriously don't know how i would react. it's such a crazy feeling. i know everybody is gonna say, "it's about time." that's about the same way i feel.

i hung out with adam briefly on friday night. it's just so weird going back there. i keep saying that i'm so old, but i know otherwise. priorities in my life are changing. sure hanging out and going to shows is fun, but my life doesn't revolve around it. and everyone i see there, i don't know. it's been too long. sometimes i feel like i wouldn't hang out with most of the people down in carbondale if it wasn't for nate and aaron. i actually saw dustin at the hangar as well. of course he ignored me or at least he didn't make any effort to talk to me. it's so funny because apparently he asks about me when i'm not there but doesn't even glance my way when i am. i've taken it upon myself to not make any effort at being his friend. it's like he always said, "let your friends come to you" i never thought i'd be saying these words but i have absolutely no desire to be his friend. as i reread this, i can't believe i'm saying it. and what really bites, apparently carrie is hanging out with andrea all the time now. how this happened i have no idea. it's crazy how things work, definetly the small-town dynamic.

everything is moving, moving, moving

riding 5 hours in the back of a pick up truck wasn't as nostalgic as we thought it would be. brian was pretty insistant we ride in the bed of my dad's new truck. he thought it would be great, just like when we were kids. he soon found out that when your 3x the size you were the last time you rode back there, things aren't so fantastic. we still had fun, the three of us, brian, irina(his wife) and i. it was great to see family again. i think i can handle them in small doses. i was glad that aaron was with me this time around. he makes everything more bearable. did get a little family gossip. the things you learn!

the wedding was, of course, beautiful. david and jessica set the bar pretty high! i'm just so picky, i don't think it's ever gonna happen, and not because of aaron, it'll all be me!

yesterday we went to the dodger/cardinals playoff. it was an experience. i had a great time, aaron on the other hand had a spectacular time. right now we're living nothing but baseball. it'll probably be this way till the end of the world series. i don't mind it too much, i like baseball a little more than i like any other spectator sport. go cards!

long distance information

today aaron's 29, man are we getting old. it's his golden birthday. never knew what that was til i had mine this year. 29 on the 29th. i got him a set of tickets to see the first game of the cardinals division playoff. he was stoked. yeah me! i know how to make my man happy! right now he's in ny spending a couple of days in cooperstown, sucking in everything baseball. i'll meet up with him friday when we head to my cousin's wedding. sucks to only have a few days there, i need a job where i can take real vacation!

next weekend candace is getting married. the day has finally arrived, i still can't believe she's getting married, she's still a baby. at least in my eyes! wonder how soon it'll be before she starts squirting out little ones! i should talk, i've got baby fever, somebody stop me. they're just so cute, why must they be so cute and cuddly! i could just eat them all up with a little spoon.

i don't really want to go down to carbondale. there's so much drama that i don't want to involve myself with. last time was the worst. it's like a freaking soap opera. it's like they have nothing better to do than involve everyone in their meaningless lives. blah, blah. i'm gonna avoid the normal "clique" and hang out with people i actually like, who don't involve me in their trysts! two weekends in a row, what am i thinking.

cryin time

so here i am at work on a sunday, i'm such a diligent worker! although i have spent a little of the time writing emails. which i never do at home. i could blame the slow internet speed, but one has nothing to do with the other. i just have television at home to preoccupy my time.

i've got to get a hobby outside the house. it's nothing that is done to me or towards me, but everything he does annoys me. i need to do some yoga or something. maybe i'll make a much needed trip to the gym. that'll take about an hour of annoyance out of the day.

why must mocha frappacinos be sooo good? nothing compares! i mean it, i've tried them all and nothing compares. i'm gonna gain so much weight. i've gotta curb my thirst for them.

but, mmmmmmmmmmmm.

memphis tennessee

last night we drove down to st. louis to see chuck berry in concert. it was crazy. the guy's almost 80 and he's still rockin like it was nothing. it was great!

tomorrow we're headed to a cards game and saturday we're gonna see b.b. king down by the arch. so we're gonna have a pretty packed weekend. looking forward to it all!

i just got back from the dentist so my mouth is all numb, freaking cavity. it's such a weird sensation, not being able to feel something on your body. i guess that's why people drink and do drugs.

things at home are a little strained. i don't think i am meant to have a roommate. they always seem to annoy me after a while. the only person that doesn't annoy me is aaron. is that criteria for getting married?

pressure drop

so. . . since i haven't updated this in a while there have been a few changes in the lives of those around me. of course my life remains the same, f*¢k amazing race!

nate and michelle are through, carrie and chris are through, mark and jane were through but aren't now. at least the last i heard they weren't. apparently michelle is psycho. you would never have guessed otherwise, but she's currently stalking nate. it's always the nice girls. carrie and chris ended about a month ago. i don't think it was mutual but life apparently is going on for both of them.

new quest. survivor.

gaitlinburg in less than a month, then costa rica a month after that. woo-hoo.

king of fools

for some reason i'm getting excited at the possibility of making the cut for this reality tv thing. we haven't even turned in our application yet, how silly am i?!? i haven't gotten really excited about anything lately, so this is a welcome change. i've actually played scenarios in my head of what i should put on the application that will catch their eye, what questions will be asked during the interview process, i've even considered filling out nick's application for him so i can make him sound super interesting and to make sure it's legible. when did i become so gay!? and when did i become such a control freak? i have to have my hand in everything. tomorrow we make our 3 minute video. i've got to come up with something cool and maybe script it out. it's so crazy how something like this can change my attitude. i've been in this rut, hating my job, and now all i can think of how if we make this...we can scream "take this job and shove it!" right in their faces. oh, to imagine the possibility is so exhilerating!

back to reality, my reality!

mommy's little monster

nick and i have hatched a plan, or i should say i hatched it and he's scheming to make it a go. yes, we've decided to get on tv. we printed out the forms, made plans to make a video next weekend and this time a month from now we should know if our hard work has paid off. although i can say we haven't put any work into it, but brainwork. it's our way to get rich quick! we'll use reality tv for good and not evil, if that's possible.

widb

tuned into widb, the college radio station in carbondale, and they just happened to be interviewing a band, the teenage faces. i don't know exactly who's in the band, cause i logged in halfway through the interview, but i think mike martin might be one of the members. i'll have to ask nate when i get home. they did give nate some props for his dancing, i think it was mike because no one else knew who he was. talk about weird.

i am a patient girl, i wait, i wait, i wait

new hd is finally up and running all 20gb. got it about 2 or 3 years ago and am now installing it. i don't know what my problem was/is. probably thought i was gonna screw it up so i told myself today, if i screw it up...what a good reason to get a new computer. even if i can't afford it. but it's working just dandy so no new mac. :(

my room is coming along. aaron wishes everything would be done and over with. how inpatient he can be. things like this take time, must aquire stuff before you start plastering it randomly all over the walls. silly boy!

work tomorrow. blah! blah! blah!

stuck in the middle

i'm so easily irrated lately. seriously, you ask me something and i'm freaking annoyed that you asked, doesn't matter what it is. my tolerance for people is at an all time low. this is one bitch session after another. i don't think it's gonna change until my work situation changes. working.

on a brighter note. my dad got me an early birthday present! drawers. . . woohoo! thanks dad, you always come through.

dismissed

and i wonder why i hate this job. pete was terminated today. i can't say fired, terminated just seems a little less harsh. been here for eight years and now he's just gone. sometimes i wonder how some people can live their lives as cruel, insensitive beings. i wonder how other people can tolerate or stand them on a daily basis. i wonder why i've put up with it this long. i've never been one to stick around negative people when i don't have to. it's just a f*cking job. it's time to move on.

since i've been here, people who have left or were fired*

carolyn, barbara, laurel, megan, heather, jennifer, jeff, candice, judy, cindy, linda, melissa, brad, tim, angela, dominick, janeen, rauchaun, tracy, patrick, jack, allison etc... i'm sure i'm forgetting a few

i've been here 3 years...that's pathetic.

the more you ignore me

last thursday, nick comes in late to work because he had to walk. why? because he got a dui earlier that morning. i don't feel sorry for him one bit. pay your fine and let this be a lesson to you.

this past weekend we went to st. louis for a party at donnie's. it was a house-warming/engagement party. it's weird but i hardly know donnie or his fiance, sarah. we had a good time despite the fact.

their house was cool. we have the same taste/style in decorating. made me want to jump on the bandwagon and get our house done. soon enough. they had a cool room in the basement that had a bar, dj turntables, poker table...etc. i liked it all!! pretty sad when all you talk about is the place and not the people there. we did see a lot of people we hadn't seen in a long time. brandon and jake made an appearance. didn't chat with them. but it was cool to see them. we knew it was time to leave when nate and chris started shooting each other in the a$$es with a blow gun.

i guess nate and a few others decided to stay there after everyone left and the cops showed up. or at least an extremely idiotic cop showed up. funny story.

pretty eventful weekend.

sometimes i don't mind

sometimes i wonder how much time i'm wasting... i feel like i'm in a constant state of limbo. where i'm not moving forward, not looking back... my life seems a little stale. i need to get out. live life. any suggestions where i should start? no committments please.

i just read that they are pulling the shirts that say "boys are stupid" out of stores. maybe i can take up a cause and fight the power. why stop there? i should start up my own protest, watch out "i'm with stupid -->" i'm gunning for you. although i better check for skeletons, cause who knows what's hiding out in my closet.

stuck in the middle

i don't know what it is but aaron and i are just not ones for "fancy" restaurants. i don't mind getting dressed up to eat, i don't mind having more than one course, but the whole atmosphere just bugs me. maybe if i was hoity-toity, i'd fit right in. but it's just not my element. i think what irritates me the most is that a large percentage of the people actually think they're better then the rest of the world because they have a little cash to throw around. i always wonder if i were rich, would i be the same person i am now. oh wait i am "rich"

toxic

ok, i'm not a britney spears fan. i've never purchased an album. i've never cared about who she is or what she's all about. i still don't but i just watched her new video and i find myself liking it a lot. i think it's the visual aspect that's caught my eye. i'm positive it's the same thing that happened with the "hey ya" video. the colors are supersaturated and the editing is great. she looks hot in every part of the video. (insert graphic lesbian scene here) what's happening to me??

work it

reality tv has taken a turn for the worse. they are now making movies about making reality television. i know they made one last year that actually hit the big screen, "the real cancun." wait a minute, i guess that's not really a movie about making tv but more like an extended tv show. nonetheless it bombed, that should be a hint producers should heed. i think every station has a reality show or two under their belts. i thought this was a craze that would die just as fast as it came about. they must have the shelf life of a twinkie, they'll be around forever!

rock show

going to chicago this weekend. have to pick up a few things at ikea, probably the last time we'll ever go there. aaron is intent on checking out the place where you eat with your hands and they put on a little show for you while you do. sounds like fun.

girl scout cookie time. mmmmm. i'm sucker for coconut, caramel, chocolate and wafers. mmmmm.

leanne just walked down, gotta go.

rocksteady

so the new year has come and gone. back to the daily grind of my life. had a great new year. drank a little too much and swore off drinking the rest of the year! we'll see how long it lasts! so far so good. come home to find out joe and kate are expecting in august. i almost cried. . . i know how long they've been trying and i felt so overjoyed for them! joe's calling it squishy for now, it'll be awhile before they know for sure what they have and before they give it a real name. hopefully it won't be named after a star wars character like their dog among other things. i get to help decorate, i can't wait!

carrie and her friend dana are coming up here to get their haircut by nate. we'll be doing dinner later, at least i think so. kristin let the cat out of the bag and said we bet on her and chris's relationship. why she told her that, i don't know. all is good though. carrie's a sport, it just gives her more reason to prove us wrong!

less than a month and i'll be on the east coast. i'm excited. gonna see the slackers while there! can't wait!