breakin the habit

so i have a new guilty pleasure. . . linkin park. i don't know how i got to listening to them, but i actually went out and purchased their cd. crazy, cause you know how much i hate buying cds. it's a great cd. it's got a beat i can dance to. j/k. let's just say that it wasn't a waste of money. i actually splurged and bought the new green day and the new elvis costello. when i go out, i go all out. i'll have to break them all in at work tomorrow. nick is gonna like that. at least i won't be listening to the same 4 songs over and over again like i have been the last 2 days. on the linkin park website they have a loop of the same 4 songs and i've just been letting it play all day. maybe i should bring in a pair of headphones so i can enjoy my music as much as like as loud as i like.

aaron's sucked me into baseball. go cards! i can't believe how into it he is. you would think he had a stake in the games! i wonder if he's made a few bets without my knowledge. i hope the cards win, they're the most deserving team in baseball. at least in my opinion.

candace's wedding was last saturday. i guess i didn't read the invite very well, cause it was just the reception that everybody was invited to. they kept it small, which was good. it was a great location the leaves were just changing so it made the perfect backdrop. i hung out with sherry, brandon and shea most of the time. i'm just not a people person, specially with people i barely know. of course candace looked fabulous. i was/am happy for her. speaking of weddings, when i got back from carbondale aaron had picked up two jewelry catalogs from the mall. no prompting from me. i wonder if he's seriously pondering the question now. i don't know if i should get excited, cause it's always been me that's been reluctant. ugh, i don't know how i feel. i always set my expectations so high, what if i don't have the reaction i should? that's probably what worries me the most, that it's going to be so anti-climatic. maybe if it's something that i lived for it would be a different story. i seriously don't know how i would react. it's such a crazy feeling. i know everybody is gonna say, "it's about time." that's about the same way i feel.

i hung out with adam briefly on friday night. it's just so weird going back there. i keep saying that i'm so old, but i know otherwise. priorities in my life are changing. sure hanging out and going to shows is fun, but my life doesn't revolve around it. and everyone i see there, i don't know. it's been too long. sometimes i feel like i wouldn't hang out with most of the people down in carbondale if it wasn't for nate and aaron. i actually saw dustin at the hangar as well. of course he ignored me or at least he didn't make any effort to talk to me. it's so funny because apparently he asks about me when i'm not there but doesn't even glance my way when i am. i've taken it upon myself to not make any effort at being his friend. it's like he always said, "let your friends come to you" i never thought i'd be saying these words but i have absolutely no desire to be his friend. as i reread this, i can't believe i'm saying it. and what really bites, apparently carrie is hanging out with andrea all the time now. how this happened i have no idea. it's crazy how things work, definetly the small-town dynamic.