margarita olé

just had lunch with diane, jessica and randy at brio. i decided to indulge in a margarita with my meal. drinking on the job...does that mean i'm an alcoholic? just had one, so i'm not that bad. technically i didn't drink on the job, but i'm back at work now, writing a blog instead of actually working.

nick's not here again today. i think he's trying to get fired. aren't we all! i ordered my transcipts from siu the other day. apparently if you want to work for the state or any state run institution i.e. universities, it's a must. plus i don't remember half the classes i took 7 years ago, it's better if i have a written copy in hand. damn, it's been that long since i graduated from college.

is there such a thing as myspace courtesy? like a comment for comment courtesy? some people are really good and some people are very, very bad. why do i fucking care? i guess i can't really talk, some people i never leave comments for. primarily because i don't know them. don't be surprised when half of you are deleted from my friends list. again, why do i fucking care! myspace is turning me into a high school bawler.

music trip

brooke got a new ipod for christmas, one of those sleek new ones that you can upload photos, videos and of course music. i feel mine is obsolete now! it's like when you have the oldest model cell phone, one with a green screen that doesn't have any bells or whistles. i shouldn't complain, mine does exactly what i bought if for. i uploaded 425 songs from my itunes library to her ipod. so she avoided ripping her own cds, which can be a pain. brooke was quite happy with a majority of the music i put on there. i even put the boy george video i downloaded.

i finally looked at the cds adrian made me that held his entire music collection. once i made it past the dance/club music he had a few selections on there i actually downloaded. it's so funny seeing what other people listen to. now i'm totally on this music trip. nosusanfx is back.

honeymoon nightmare

so we decide to do this caribbean wedding. our plan: have people come down a few days before the wedding and then leave the day after. we would stay longer and combine our honeymoon and wedding all in one. mark calls today and tells us, him and jane want to stay longer and will probably extend their time. this was supposed to be the easiest part of planning the wedding and now they've gone and made it the hardest. all in one freaking phone call. i already told aaron no way! they leave the day after and that's it. i don't care if they get there two weeks before, they're leaving the day after. this is a prime example of why i can't deal with this on a daily/weekly basis. they have absolutely no clue this would be imposing. they can and do vacation 30 out of 52 weeks of the year. they could give us this one moment. damn!

i want you to want me

the baby shower was a success, it actually went better than expected. we had to postpone our bowling reservation because everyone was having such a great time. *patting myself on the back* we ended up bowling a few games and mixed it up with a little alcohol. afterwards we made way to the bar located in the alley for a few more drinks and a little karoke. i think i should be banned from the mic when i've had a few too many. i have a really bad habit of butchering lyrics even when they're right in front of me. luckily, most of the patrons are also intoxicated and apparently i did really well. yeah right. a bit untraditional for a baby shower but a good time was had by all.

wedding plans are underway. unbelievable, i know. last sunday i dragged aaron to the bridal extravaganza. what a trooper. he was one of about 12 males and about 300 females in the audience. there were a few vendors who had set up booths, we got a ballpark figure of what things are gonna cost. and having a wedding or i should say a reception isn't cheap. we've pretty much decided to wed in the caribbean, turks & caicos to be exact. we've set up an appointment to meet with a resort representative next week. right now we're looking at november 5th as the wedding date, but we won't know for sure till after our meeting. the reception will be in december, exact date has yet to be determined. this thursday i have a bridal gown consultation. i kinda know what i want, hopefully they'll have something similar and inexpensive. katie's gonna come along. that way she can check out bridesmaids dresses and be an extra set of eyes for me. so the ball is rolling.

nate and katie have been living between carbondale and springfield the last month. i think everything is coming along, both with the shop and with their new pad. katie showed me pictures of the house with a fresh coat, i should say fresh coats, of paint and it looks like a completely different house. can't wait to see it in person. i get to design the logo for the shop. which i better get on because the grand opening will be upon us soon.

jamie's getting induced on thursday. matt and kristin are coming up friday. i've got to get a plane ticket to san francisco soon. guess i could kill one bird tonight.

upgrade

not so long ago, i subconsciously decided to upgrade my life. i'm positive this trend began when i purchased my current car. i have owned and operated five, yes five, cars since i received my drivers license in 1992. the first four, i never would have trusted to make it across town let alone the country. all four cars had broken down at one time or another, be it on a busy interstate or in the middle of rush hour. back then, when your parents were your main source of income, getting it fixed was a reasonable option. when you become the one doling out the cash, you begin to realize your car has become a money pit. so i made the decision to pay the extra money for a dependable car. upgrade.

along with my car, my makeup, clothing and even alcohol have all been upgraded. i'm sure it's all a part of growing up. i still can't see myself spending lavish amounts of money on things i really don't need. but i will spend more than before.

green eyed girl

i went through this phase in high school where i wanted to have green eyes. so i wore green contacts for a year. back then they hadn't perfected the colored contact phenomenon, therefore they looked really unnatural. but i wore them day in and day out. didn't care how fake they looked.

now that i'm older i wonder what kind of child aaron and i would produce. of course, i carry all the dominant genes. dark, curly hair, brown eyes, dark skin, shortness (i'm not sure if this is dominant) he's got straight, blonde hair, blue eyes, fair skin.dark hair with blue eyes...i don't think i've ever seen anyone with that combination naturally. either we'll have a fairly good looking kid or a freak. i'm betting on the latter.

i do have baby on the brain. i'm in the midst of planning a baby shower for jamie. she's about 2 weeks from popping, hopefully we can get this in before baby hayden arrives. i feel so bad because no one even thought about throwing her a shower till i mentioned something a couple of weeks ago. and i don't even have a kid.

spent new year's at satch and tate's house. it was a blast. most of the pictures i took were of christie and satch doing a little bump and grind. pretty soon i'll be getting pictures from everyone else and hopefully they'll be a few pictures of me in that batch. i had a few on my camera, but they were very unflattering. i've got to remember when munching on finger foods all evening, there's a good chance 50% of the food is gonna stay in my braces.

new addiction: project runway

blonde moments (yes, plural)

all was well today, til i decided to do a little last minute christmas shopping. i'd browsed for about 10 minutes when i decided i needed a potty break. i went in, had a seat and looked at the lovely scarf around my neck. i was only looking at one end...damn it...i reached behind and pulled the other end out of the water. moment #1. with a little soap and water, all is well. so i walked out with my half drenched scarf, made few purchases and headed back to my automobile (totally long-duck-dong here) i got to my car and pressed the unlock button. nothing. damn it, i forgot to lock it. went to open it. still locked. what the? i pressed the button a few more times, still nothing. i looked down at the license plate...not mine...not my vehicle at all. moment #2. and finally, i decided to run through mcdonalds on the way home. everythings fine with the whole transaction. headed on my way. looked down for 2 seconds to insert straw in soda and totally ran a stop sign. moment #3. 3 in one day, spanning a total of 1 hour. impressive!

turbulance

"the captain has turned on the fasten seatbelt sign, please remain seated for the remainder of the flight."

if this plane crashes and all that is left are bits and pieces strewn about the grand canyon, will there be enough of me to identify? will they find my drivers license in my back pocket where i put it for convenience? will they find my new engagement ring or any of the rings i wore today? will they find my tattoos or fragments of them charred almost unrecognizable? will they find my new mouth full of metal that would withstand the heat and flame? i'm getting too old to fly.

insomnia

why can't anyone be on here when i can't sleep? catering to me should be everyones top priority. wake up, damn you!

so i left for vegas with $75 in my wallet and i came back with $80. that technically makes me a winner. i did purchase an awesome blazer and would have easily spent more if i had more time and won more money. curse long weekends in vegas...you can't see or do everything you'd like. i'll write more about the actual weekend at more suitable time.

helmets are un-american

there's a truck driving around springfield with those very words plastered to its backside. i won't even begin to explain everything wrong with it.

i'm not quite done rummaging through all my old photos. i threw away close to 200 photos tonight. did a lot of purging. i did save some choice photos which i will probably post soon. be ready to laugh at who you were and what you were wearing in the late 90s. i think i went through 20 hairstyles in that time.

sing me to sleep

it feels so good to actually sleep in for a change! it is now 1:30 and i've been awake approximately 20 minutes. so half my day is wasted away, i'll be well rested for tonight. the tarbox ramblers are playing at underground. my work is somehow sponsoring the event. i got free tickets, so we'll be out and about this evening.

i need to clean my house. i told myself that i would have it cleaned by the time aaron gets back from indiana. so far, nada. i keep getting sucked into watching csi and law and order. damn the networks for syndicating these shows. i've got 3 hours to get this house ship-shape. it's a good thing i'm spending 15 minutes of that precious time posting a blog.

i'm off.

the mastermind

i knew i wouldn't rest til i figured out why i hated tc so much. now that i recall the reason, i almost don't want to say it out loud. so here it goes. tc was a rumor starter in my high school. i find out from a friend of a friend that she's spreading this horrible rumor about me. what could be so horrific that i would want to run her over with my car. not that i'm slutty or have a third nipple. she was telling everyone how frigid i was, how i was the ice queen. i know, how stupid am i for even caring. and it's not like she even knew me or the inner workings of my "relationships." but for some reason this bothered the hell out of me. i'm sure there was a culmination of other reasons why i disliked her, but this was probably the straw.

a year later a new rumor surfaces. now i'm the complete opposite of what i once was. apparently i was completely naked, begging for sex and was turned down/rejected by my "boyfriend." unbelievable, i know. me, naked and begging for sex. ha, that's a good one. and what high school boy do you know would turn down sex. at least come up with a believable rumor. now i laugh...ha.

i'll let bygones be. it's been almost 15 years. hopefully some of us have done some growing up. if not, i've got a bigger car with a v6, it'd be in her best interest to watch her back!

biting the bullet

since there isn't a single person (cept maybe brian) that i would take a bullet for, i've decided to keep my top 8 people-free. fortunatly for me i have exactly 8 bands, so it wasn't a hard decision, almost like it was meant to be. when i think about it, i might have to re-evaluate my logic...when you swerve into traffic to avoid a squirrel, you might be more prone to save someone elses life than your own.

now that's gotten me thinking about the one time i actually wanted to run someone over. i can't even remember what this person did to me. but i do remember the hatred i felt towards her. that if i saw her, i'd step on the gas and gun her down. it seems so trivial, that i actually thought about someones demise at my own hands or feet. if i remember correctly...i think it was about a boy, a car, and some lipstick...nah, that can't be right. cause she wasn't the one who actually did it...but she was friends with her...damn it....now i won't rest till i remember. like i said, trivial.

vegas in 1 1/2 weeks. only for a long weekend, but it'll be a nice break from the patch. maybe we'll get hitched while there. still no date set, but i think we've narrowed it down to the month of novemeber. at this rate we'll be getting married hopefully this century.

the party that never ends

fortunately for me i will have yet another opportunity to bust out boy george friday night! since aaron and most of his attendings went to atlanta this past weekend for a surgery conference, buesher decided she's gonna have a costume party and keep the halloween spirit alive a couple more days! awesome. i actually did dress up today for work, but it was wasted on people who don't appreciate or have the spirit! diane did dress up...so i give her props. everyone else...lame!

i think i can count on two hands the number of trick-o-treaters we had tonight. we ended up handing out fistfuls of the candy we bought. rain's not gonna stop the faithful.

aaron got his seats from busch stadium today. it's so weird that someone was actually sitting in them a few weeks ago. what's really cool is there's gum stuck to the bottom of them! i think he's gonna pry it off, i told him it would decrease the value... it's what makes them authentic.

i'ma man without conviction

the costume is coming along...diane dug out an old shirt for me which was EXACTLY what i needed. with a few modifications it'll be perfect. the wig i bought is now a tangled mess. and it gives me a headache five minutes after i put it on. (cheap plastic piece of crap) i'll either have to start drinking or take a lot of drugs to tolerate it an entire night. i think i'm gonna purchase a 10 foot tract of lucious hair from sally's. and go with extensions. i'm sure i'll find other ways to use the rest, one can wonder.

tomorrow we walk. i hope the sun peeps out. i hate getting up early on rainy days, especially saturdays.

the queen of near hit and miss

i'm the queen of nearly hitting and missing cars in front of me. yesterday i almost smashed into a car that pulled out in front of me....here's me: "hey lady, hey lady, HEY LADY!" i swerved into oncoming traffic...luckily the truck barreling towards me was 20 yards away. don't know what would have been worse, me hitting her head on or me hitting the truck head on. either or i would have had a demolished car. after composing myself, i looked back and the lady had this dumbfounded look on her face. cross-traffic does not stop....that means me lady, i'm not stopping! that red, octogon thing in front of you - use it! it'll help keep my heart in my chest and keep our cars out of the junk yard.

playoff game in 3 hours and counting. woo-hoo! go cards!

sour puss

i've had five today and my tongue is ripped to shreds. come to read the contents, yep, acid the main ingredient. next time you see me i'll be tongueless. it's a small price to pay.

aaron nailed me with a line drive sunday in our softball game. no bruise yet, just a huge knot. everyone thought it hit my shoe, it was that loud. good thing it's getting colder out and i'm pretty much wearing jeans full time. or else he'd have hell to pay! ;)

tomorrow night nate, katie, aaron and i are heading to st. louis for the cardinals/astros nlcs playoff game. we got bleacher seats...paid more than we should have, but i'm sure it'll be worth it. last year we went to a division playoff game and it was crazy how much different it was than a regular game. we're slowly building up to going to a world series. slowly!

i haven't updated this i a long time. so i'm briefly catching up.

danny started his own website: murphytales.com
he's already gotten in trouble for it! had to dismantle a whole section. the boy is clever, witty and a bit of a nerd...wonder who he gets that from! i can't believe how much he's growing up! man, i'm getting old!

blink, blink

i'm officially off the market! not that i ever was "on" the market.

since tuesday of last week i've had a ring on the finger. after 7 1/2 years aaron's made it official. no details to speak of. but i have come to find that once you get engaged people automatically assume you have a date set. we have nothing. it'll probably be another 7 years before we do that...j/k. set the date that is.

major bling going on, he did well. i love it! and him of course! i'm gay.

i remember nothing.

i went to post a comment and low and behold, i've got a blogger account. old age sucks or the fact i have these things all over the place!

a smoke and a pancake

whoop-whoop! i have actually been getting off my lazy butt and working out. yesterday, a bike ride. the weekend, a little golf. some bootcamp in between. i'm gonna be ripped! ha! i feel a little bit better about myself. tv sucks me into this void, where i find myself spending hours on end watching one meaningless show after another. can't . . . seem to . . . break free- it's grip is just too powerful. maybe if i keep working out i can shed the shackles. blow-out begins tonight...what to do.

wicked

rachel's been getting a ton of compliments on the invites. i need to seriously think about breaking off and doing my own thing. especially now. i really have no desire to work additional hours then i do now. so it's either all or not. what shall i do? i keep pondering but nothing happens. first step...website of some kind. gotta get myself out there. maybe business cards...

hmmmmm.

tall, mocha frappacino with whip cream

i walked into starbucks the other day and the lady knew what i wanted before i wanted it. that tells me i've become a coffee whore! i'm basically paying 3 bucks for a shot of pure, mouth-watering pleasure. and what's funny about the whole thing - - i hate coffee. disguise it with chocolate, milk and whipped cream, i'm all yours. must put a cap on these as well.

the dirty bird

donnie and sarah came up to springfield this weekend, so i actually ventured out saturday evening. first stop. nick's, where we proceeded to mix the brazilian alcoholic beverage concoction jane left in my car a few weeks ago. it contains little packets of lime-flavored kool-aid like powder and a bottle of some type of alcohol. we're guessing white tequila. of course, being americans we have no idea what the equivilent doses we're supposed to use (damn, the metric system) so we make educated guesses, and by the taste of it, i'm pretty sure we guessed wrong. it tasted like a really, really bad margarita. we decided it would be a drink you'd have after you've had about 20 other consumable drinks.

next stop. floyd's. met up with katie, nate, donnie and sarah. nothing too spectacular. only thing to note is that the waitress spilled an entire glass of guiness on sarah. soaked her through and through. we got a few free drinks out of it, but decided to leave soon after.

headed to catch 22. guys had to pay $5 to get in. where they didn't even have a band or comp you a drink. what a rip-off. our stay was short.

finally. we head to the dirty bird (or rockin robins) seriously if you ever want to feel good about yourself, this is where you go! it's completely like going back to a high school dance. the music is all over the place. one minute they'll play old rap songs, then shift to slow dance music and then they'll throw in a little country. and the people. what can i say, a lot of springfield's finest. if someone asks to go to a dance club in springfield, the dirty bird is always my top pick! it's got comedy, music, dancing and cheap booze. the waitresses are hot and the dance floor lights up. i even got to hear paula abdul's "straight up," that totally made the trip worth it!

i just got home from work 30 minutes ago. i hate special issues. i hate working on a holiday. i hate not getting paid. i hate being tired the rest of the week. i hate being rushed. i hate my boss. ok, i'm going to bed now. so i can stop being a hater.

raspberry lemonade

yum! perfect on a day like today. a shot of vodka makes it even better. aaron's in ken-tuc-ky for chad's wedding! i'm bored. my house is spotless, or pretty close. i need some entertainment! i'm thinking about making an appearance out tonight. look for me!

the disturbed and weird

this guy adds me as a friend on myspace and then writes me a little note letting me know that i was added. he says he's from st. louis. st. clair to be exact. so i respond asking if he lives in fairview, cause stupid me thinking st. clair is a county not a city. he then responds by telling me i should read his profile if i want answers and not just add him because he looks good and will look good on my friends list. (here is where i insert the biggest WHATEVER!) he then takes me off his friends list. this is where you say "ah, so that's how you act like a tool!" sometimes myspace can be annoying. i actually got pissed about this, i just couldn't believe it. give me an a.k., i'm about to go on a rampage.

we watched a disturbing movie called "stevie." it was about a guy that was a big brother to this kid about 15 years ago. he goes back to visit him to see how his life has turned out since and decides to make a documentary about it. goes to show, things are not that great for the guy, he's on the verge of going to prison for sexual child abuse. okay, it's not that disturbing, we see that every day in the news/media. but what was crazy was this all happened in pomona, which is right outside of murphy. we're about 15 minutes into the movie and they introduce the guy's fiance and it's someone all of us recognize. she went to school with aaron and was a year ahead of him. i recognized her cause she worked at the mall while i was working there. it was so crazy to think that all that was going on in the movie was happening while she was working at the mall. and she and this guy probably came into kb at one time or another. it felt sorta surreal. and the topper of all toppers was that sherry's in-laws, brandon's parents, were foster parents to this guy and they interviewed them for the movie. talk about a small world. it's so weird to realize that there are lives going on besides yours and the world doesn't revolve around you.

if it ain't fresh, it ain't me

there was a double murder here a couple of days ago. the guy that was killed was the funky-fresh barber. apparently he was a cool guy with a ton of friends. i'm sure the police will catch those responsible soon, if not the community will. they showed up in the masses when they heard. i feel a public lynching in the works.

did you read my blog about body parts? apparently it's not such a far-fetched notion. someone found a pair of legs just off the interstate here monday. there's an unclaimed torso the police found last year outside of st. louis. the two crimes could be related.

and you thought nothing happens here in the midwest.

curse free day 1: i give myself an F

@$!K

when i was in high school i remember going to a club where they played alternative music. i.e. rage against the machine. i distinctly remember moshing or whatever i did at the time and singing/yelling along with the music. "fuck you, i won't do what you tell me!" and i remember looking over and seeing these guys making fun of me. yelling in their highest pitched german voices, "fuck you, i won't do what you tell me!" i didn't get upset. i just realized they were right. i did sound stupid. those words didn't sound right coming out of my mouth. so i made an attempt to stop cursing, which wasn't too hard back then. usually i resorted to a german curse, if i felt the urge.

when i worked at kb toys i always had to be aware of what i said and how i said it. fudge was my word of choice. fudge this, fudge that. sounded pretty funny but somewhat appropriate coming out of my mouth. so i sorta prided myself for not cursing.

today. i'm a sailor. every other word is usually a curse. under my breath, at the top of my lungs, doesn't matter. new goal: control the curse, once again. this may be impossible, especially with some of the people i work with. i'm pretty sure they're the sole reason for my demise!

i just wanted to see what horny looked like, i'm really not...or am i!

btw. marley makes an appearance tomorrow.

incriminating evidence

I think of you everynight, at times like this I feel the pain.
I've dug a hole too deep to get out of and I'm about to go insane.
I've done this a million times, I've wrote a million songs.
I know you're not a part of my life and I know this is totally wrong.
My answers obviously blatent, its right here in my face.
I try to look past it but I see it every place.

(why won't I let you go away from me)

So much time has passed, things are so different now.
I try to confront it, honestly I do but I don't know how.
I know that only I care and the blame for this is mine.
But I hope you know that if it weren't for you, I would be doing just fine.

(chorus)

When you read this know it's about you
Know there is nothing else I could do
Maybe I will be lucky and get a reponse
I am still alive too.........

Maybe I won't let you go because you are all I know.
Maybe I am too scarred to not have you there.
I've needed you here, this whole time
I need you to tell me I'm doing just fine.....

**i got this in an email a long time ago (7/12/2000 to be exact). i saved it, just like i save everything. you probably don't even remember writing this. you're a rockstar now, touring the country! but i know you're humble beginnings!

eye contact

so i gave myself a goal to make more eye contact with people than i usually do. which is usually none at all. now i realize why i don't. eye contact seems to be an open invitation that i want you to wave at me from across the bar. walk by me 20x and stare me down while doing so. so much for my attempt to be friendly, from now on i will refrain from making direct eye contact. thank the creepy guy wearing the bandana, he ruined it for all of you. it may be another 30 years before i take on the challenge again.

on another note. when did garbage bags on the side of the road change from being full of money to being full of body parts? too many movies/reality crime drama have skewed my view. don't get me wrong, i'm still optimistic i'm gonna score some cash someday. but not in the form of a garbage bag. more like a black duffle bag, with double-pull zippers.

chris murray wanted to be my friend. . . i feel good! sore, but good!

achy breaky body

so dodgeball and barbque were a success this weekend. had a fun time at both. today i'm feeling it big time. my old age is catching up with me! the water won' t heat up so i can soak my aching muscles. i'll have to try again shortly. i'll post some photos i took. although i didn't take too many this time. wasn't feeling the flow.



quick recap: friday night- hangar til close. heard a couple of good bands went to chris and jason's afterwards. stayed a very short time. i think when they started chucking barbque brickets we, or i should say i, decided it was time to leave. saturday- dodgeball, hour and a half of fun-filled action. we were all feeling it by the time we finished. i was drenched with sweat after the first 2 games. i think we played 10 or more games probably won more than half. we rule! barbque at steve and betsy's afterwards. turned out to be great. plenty of people, food and fun. decided to hit up the bars in murphy. gave marge a boost in sales. don't think she appreciated it nor the regulars. headed to day night, younger crowd. lots of familar faces, not to me of course. did get to see tim, he makes me happy! stayed to close. called it a night. today-breakfast at harbaughs. the food tasted fantastic. i don't know why but it was the best breakfast ever! maybe not ever. but it was good. 3 hour drive back. no hot water. muscles aching. bed calling.

bobble head

tomorrow i have a feeling i will be illustrating a funny email i got today. i did this once before. nick and i sent emails back and forth to each other all day illustrating our coworkers and each other. we've got a new crop to animate, so this should be interesting and fun.

sometimes it hurts

sometimes i can't believe some people. in fact, i have to laugh out loud when i even think about it. a friend of mine has girls actually sending him naked pictures of themselves via myspace. i'm not sure of the dialogue going on between them but apparently it doesn't take much to get a naked email. maybe it's the anonymousness of myspace that these girls are under the assumption they'll never meet in person. what am i doing, i can't logically decipher what's going on in the minds of these woman. i'll just keep laughing so hard it hurts. yeah, i'm laughing at you.

i.d. please

one of the perks of dating a dermatologist...free facial peels. aaron gave me another one last night. this one is starting to lightly crust over. it just looks like a bad sunburn. the one i had in march was way worse. it looked like i got beat down and dragged along a gravel road. don't know if i'll do that again. maybe i'll post the pic...

another thing when dating a dermatologist, you begin to know a little too much about skin disorders. pretty soon i'll have to charge a consulting fee to all my friends. don't worry, i'll only charge half. ha! and, of course, sunscreen becomes your best friend. if you ever need it, i have it. just ask!

agenda

so my boss found a promo campaign that she thinks is absolutely adorable. little dogs dressed like little people. so my duty today is to somehow corral marley into an outfit and make her sit for a photo shoot. i've got the outfit. a little stars and stripes number. only problem. he's a little too big for the jacket. i've gotta modify and sew to make it fit. this should be fun. ha. the things i have to do to make a living.

1000 words

i wish my eyes were instant cameras. they'd be more useful that way. for instance: old man on moped (the kind that looks like a bike) with blue laundry basket attached to the back - with little white dog looking out - waiting for the light to change. maybe i should just carry my camera with me all the time. but, alas, it wouldn't be the same. by the time i pulled it out, fixed the settings, the moment would have passed. camera eyes would be so much better.

blast from the past

funny how a random childhood memory will hit you out of nowhere. okay, maybe not out of nowhere, but pretty close. while driving home today for lunch, i passed a couple of kids jumping on a trampoline. first thought: i wonder how many broken bones are attributed to trampoline related accidents. then i remembered when i was in the 5th grade my friends and i would pay a lady to jump on a trampoline. i lived in korea at the time, in a gated apartment complex. and just outside the "back gate" there were these little mom and pop shops where we would buy candy and whatnots. a little further down the road, a lady had set up a trampoline compound with 6 tramps set up 3x2. mind you, these were not the highest quality tramps, i seem to recall lots of springs missing and patches in the tarps. they were, however, enclosed in netting (at least our body parts wouldn't go flying all over the place). and every chance we got, we'd pay the lady 100 won (i think it was about 25 cents) to jump for 10 minutes. two of the tramps were close to the apartment complex barbed-wired walls. and if you bounced high enough, you could see your apartment. this memory was almost clear as day. crazy how that happens. the other thing about this lady i remember is what she sold. i don't think it has a real name, but it was sugar that you'd melt over a small burner (yes, i was handling open flames at this age) in a modified ladle. you'd stir it with a chopstick and when it became the right consistancy you'd put a dab of baking powder to make it puff up. let cool, and presto instant sugar high. i'm gonna conclude this was the gateway into my current addiction. thank you, trampoline lady.

you adore me

okay, i'm a voyeur. i admit it. i read what you have to say. and i know more about you then you think. it's my secret obsession. it's why myspace is so addicting. half of you don't know who i am, half of you could care less. you're reading this, do you have this same affliction?

bug free and loving it

so i have this paronia about creepy, crawly insects. the kind that bother you in your sleep. you know the feeling. when you're lying there, on the verge of sleep and consciousness and you feel something crawling along your backside or up your arm. i cringe just thinking about it. then there's that fly that keeps buzzing by your ear. the one that flys by every 10 minutes so you can fall asleep long enough to wake up again. i read/saw somewhere that the average person swallows 3 spiders a year in their sleep. i'm building a bubble to ensure i'm not a statistic.

gonna bring a broom tonight to the cardinals game. feel it boston. although it just got 20x darker in the last 10 minutes. tornado time?!?

only in her mind

friday: party at carrie's
circles colliding - not so much. it's all in her mind. 3 separate groups, all in the same place, not too much mingling going on. bonfire drinking games rule...1,2,3 drink. ramen noodle break at 3am, yum. home by 4.

saturday: party/show at some house, inject deja vu (early college days)
band plays a few songs, cops bust in, kick everyone out. i score 7 bucks. party moves to lost cross. aaron and friends depart, head for the cellar. hung with carrie, candace, timmy and jen. boones farm in a ghetto sleeve, yes! photo frenzy from here on out. crazy, asian tourist walking the streets of carbondale. did manage to create a human pyramid sometime during the evening. soon i'll let the pictures do the talking. home by 2am.

coming to a town near you

i'll be making an appearance in the 'dale. start high stepping it over to see me right - not now, but now! carrie's having a bday bash that sounds interesting. when circles collide and the moon is full something is bound to happen. i'm not sure about the moon being full, but i'm sure i'll have something to report after this weekend.

what the heck are kudos? someone enlighten me.

you are dismissed

and i wonder why i hate this job. connie was terminated today. i can't say fired, terminated just seems a little less harsh. nick called me before i left home and told me she was already gone. sometimes i wonder how some people can live their lives as cruel, insensitive beings. i wonder how other people can tolerate or stand them on a daily basis. i wonder why i've put up with it this long. i've never been one to stick around negative people when i don't have to. it's just a f*cking job. and the biggest kicker of them all, sharon actually asked me to call connie to get/beg her to come back to the illinois times last year after she quit. wtf. this is the beginning of the downward spiral, i feel it.

since i've been here, people who have left or were fired*

carolyn, barbara, laurel, megan, heather, jennifer, jeff, candice, judy, cindy, linda, melissa, brad, tim, angela, dominick, janeen, rauchaun, tracy, patrick, jack, allison, pete, todd, leanne, julie, adam, etc... i'm sure i'm forgetting a few

i've been here almost 4 years...that's pathetic.

furry legs and peni spotting

memphis in may, baby!

this weekend we made the 6 hour trek to memphis. had a great time listening to tunes, people watching, and fair food eating! 3 days, 3 stages and i'm here to talk about it. ha! ok. actually about 80% of the music was not my cup of tea. not too into the hippie-groove/jam thang. but the bands we did see, totally rocked. highlights include but not limited to: billy idol, the killers, elvis costello, war, jack johnson and spin doctors. unfortunately we missed jerry lee lewis, who i would have loved to have seen. and lisa marie (if you're in memphis it's practically a sin not too). i did however see, not one but 2 penises, a lot of hairy legs (on girls), mud wrestling (it rained all day friday), tons of braless women and a lot of green (pot, to those not in on the drug jargon). all in all it was a funtastic time. no cameras at a music festival, it makes no sense to me. next time i'll sneak a camera in.

my dvd came today. i need to see if it's going to make me the prodigy it promises!

susan, out!

pseudo celebrity

this year the academy meeting was in new orleans and being the good girlfriend i am, i tagged along. (aaron really had to twist my arm *wink *wink) basically, it's residents attending classes all day and partying all night. literally, there was a party or two every night we were down there. everything paid for by drug companies, including alcohol, entertainment, food, beads... i mean everything!

the first night we were there, we went to a party that was in a club/bar on bourbon st. i can't recall the name, but i know it had a balcony where we spent most of the evening. it's amazing how it's mardi gras any time you're down there. well, i went back in to get a bite to eat and i look over and i see this guy talking to a small group of people. somehow his face is ringing a bell, and it finally dawns on me that it's the guy from the reality show, big brother. season 2 to be exact. (it's the only season i ever watched, i swear!) i run up to aaron, and of course he sorta knows what i'm talking about, but not really. and i send him over to get a closer look. he walks over, looks at him and comes back and tells me its not him. there's no way this guy isn't who i think he is. and mark's wife, laurie, is totally in agreement with me. apparently she's the only one in our whole group that watched the show. so i send aaron back over to ask the guy his name. (like the way i send aaron to do all the dirty work, he's gotta buzz so he doesn't mind) aaron head's back over and starts talking to the guy. guess what? it's him, will kirby, the winner from big brother 2. apparently he's a d.o. in southern california.

while aaron is talking to will, kristi, aaron's coworker, comes up and i tell her who aaron's talking to. she heads over, and this is literally their conversation, kristi: "you have nice hair." will: "i'm doing a poll on the hottest residents here, and you're definetly in the running." apparently that gets the ball rolling. we soon leave the bar, jill, jamie and i head for the male strip club across the street. while the rest of the gang heads to the dance club next door. will and kristi apparently make out for a while on the dance floor. he soon tells her that he has a girlfried. kristi ends the make out session. and that's the end of that. he called her 20 times over the next few days. but she had moved on from the pseudo celebrity. i did have brian, another one of aaron's coworkers, take our picture with him. but brian thought he was a tool and promptly erased the photo when we got home. the end.

knock-down, drag-out

eat lunch or post....hmmm.

6 hours later...

so far so good. two days, no tv. i've actually practiced the guitar both nights. (*gives pat on back*) i'm basically starting over from scratch. learning notes, reading music. chords are hard, especially anything more then three strings. i think i need 4 eyeballs. one to watch the music, one to watch what strings i strum, one to make sure i'm on the right frets/string and one to make sure my burrito doesn't burn. ha! technically i can use an ear for that. i ordered a dvd to help me along. i need to know if i'm playing it right, i could be playing it all wrong but think i sound marvelous.

gotta get some bootcamp in.

hear me roar

the person who invented the yank method of starting up a lawn mower should be shot. don't they realize half the population have short arms. (i'm sure there's some statistic somewhere that says that) it must have been a funny site, lil me yanking over and over and over again to no avail. i finally got it started on the hundreth pull. i got my workout for the week, maybe even the year! ha!

no guitar this weekend, rachel's wedding invite took more time than i expected. last time i print, cut and sew 125 cards. it's worth it in the end. it looks fab-u-lous! and the money i make won't hurt either.

12 guage

aaron took his inservice on thursday and he and his coworkers went to cecils afterwards for a few drinks. i met up with them after work and got to see jamie and laurie. jamie told me she was taking guitar lessons at the house of music but it turned out to be a waste of time and money. what happened to her is what happened to me two years ago. you'd go there ready to learn something new and you'd be learning what you learned the week before. nothing ever progressed. i quit going. she did the same. i told myself that i'd start learning on my own. but with me, it takes a little more umph. i'm gonna dust my guitar off and start over this weekend. i'm inspired again!

if you leave your earrings out for a month i don't recommend trying to put 12 guages back in. it hurts.

talk 30 to me

so i have this lock box full of letters from a very long time ago. i haven't even opened it in almost 7 years. i'm not sure what to do with them. i'm tempted to have a small bonfire as a means to signify an official end. at the same time, i want to keep them as a record of that part of my life. i never kept a journal, so this would be the equivalent. i'm sure i'll like the person in there, unfortunately that person is long gone. funny how life happens.

tree city, usa

new addiction: playing poker online. ugh. i don't have the time, yet i can't stop playing. what's wrong with me?

i got the final proof for rachel's wedding invite done tonight. hopefully, there won't be any more changes. i gotta get them done this weekend when aaron's in st. louis and i'll have the whole house to myself. i've gotta get started on the bachlorette invites as well. at least i'll get some cash when it's all done and over with. that's something to look forward to. kate's family is slowly becoming my little cash cow.

gotta start thinking of some ideas for 2 logos i've been asked to help create. having a full time job and doing freelance is getting hard. especially when it's so beautiful outside. i love seeing something i planted last year sprout back to life. it's awesome. okay, i'm a nerd, but that's okay!

i just heard that the parents of the infamous menedez brothers went to siu. crazy.

brother for sale

unfortunately, this song has been embedded in my head all morning. if you saw the true hollywood story on mary kate and ashley olsen this weekend, you'll know what song i'm talking about.

bathroom brawl

those who know me, know that i don't deal with confrontation all too well. why create something out of nothing, which is the case about 99% of the time. but last night, i was ready to throw down in the women's bathroom. here's the story: it's about 1:30a, i've had a few. literally 2 all evening. i go to the bathroom, push the door and accidently hit a girl on the other side. she proceeds to use her foot as a doorstop when i try to get in. for some reason this pisses me off so i push as hard as i can, (all the working out has paid off) and bust in. then this girl starts cussing at me calling me a bitch. a nonstop barrage of profanities ensue. the whole time i'm thinking, "is this really happening?" some girls jump in the middle to try and calm the situation down. i could care less. this girl is obviously drunk and under the impression that the public bathroom is her own personal one. she could have stepped a foot over and prevented the whole situation. but no, she didn't. a stall opens up, she's says "if you need to go to the bathroom so bad, then go." so i go, i mean this is going nowhere. out of sight, out of mind. apparently. she'd forgotten the whole incident by the time we left the bathroom. i hate drunk biatches!

know when to hold 'em

okay, the unthinkable happened and the cardinals and red sox made it to the world series. there must have been some divine intervention involved here. so we get the perfect match up and what are the cardinals doing??? blowing it that's what! seriously, at least challenge the red sox. i mean you are the winningest team in baseball, at least show 'em how you got that title. ugh, why am i ranting on about this. i've been transformed into a baseball freak. pretty soon i'll be wearing the baseball earrings and carrying the transistor radio in my fanny pack. what a pretty picture.

on another note. went to hermann, had a great time. drank a little wine. never been a big fan of wine, still not. kristin had just a little too much and spent most of saturday afternoon and evening puking. saw a girl eat some dirty cheese, jeff got into a yelling match with a drunk girl and he was definetely "talking louder then she was" and had a guy lift his shirt up, rub his stomach while asking me how i was doing. to which i replied, "i'm not drunk, so this is not going to work on me." silly boy.

halloween is sounding more and more like a no go. i guess we need a weekend of rest. next weekend we'll head back to carbondale for jason and autumn's 30th birthday bash. they're going all out and having a mascarade party. how fun! can't wait, i think i'll get a big pouffy dress for the occassion. it's not often you get to wear pretty girly things.

dad's in baghdad this time around. i guess he's there for a 3 month tour. apparently he volunteered for this one. what a selfless man! i just sent him an email ranting on and on about the cardinals. he's probably wondering where all the baseball knowledge is coming from, certainly not from his dainty daughter. (well i guess dainty isn't a word to describe me at all). but you get the idea. although he's a self-proclaimed yankees fan he's gotta appreciate the two teams in the series. i mean they are both very deserving teams. but i still want the cards to win. go cards!

i've got the fever

so the cards just lost and are down a game in the championship series. aaron is an unhappy camper, throwing random articles of clothing, punching the floor. hopefully they can take the next two at home. bo sox are makin a comeback, let's set a new record in baseball, boys! who's your daddy now, damn yankees!

hermann this weekend, halloween next. gotta come up with a costume fast! got a few ideas. still don't know of any parties, cept one down in carbondale which i don't think we'll be attending. hopefully someone up here has one. aaron mentioned a big one at a surgeons house. we'll see.

go cards! go boston!

breakin the habit

so i have a new guilty pleasure. . . linkin park. i don't know how i got to listening to them, but i actually went out and purchased their cd. crazy, cause you know how much i hate buying cds. it's a great cd. it's got a beat i can dance to. j/k. let's just say that it wasn't a waste of money. i actually splurged and bought the new green day and the new elvis costello. when i go out, i go all out. i'll have to break them all in at work tomorrow. nick is gonna like that. at least i won't be listening to the same 4 songs over and over again like i have been the last 2 days. on the linkin park website they have a loop of the same 4 songs and i've just been letting it play all day. maybe i should bring in a pair of headphones so i can enjoy my music as much as like as loud as i like.

aaron's sucked me into baseball. go cards! i can't believe how into it he is. you would think he had a stake in the games! i wonder if he's made a few bets without my knowledge. i hope the cards win, they're the most deserving team in baseball. at least in my opinion.

candace's wedding was last saturday. i guess i didn't read the invite very well, cause it was just the reception that everybody was invited to. they kept it small, which was good. it was a great location the leaves were just changing so it made the perfect backdrop. i hung out with sherry, brandon and shea most of the time. i'm just not a people person, specially with people i barely know. of course candace looked fabulous. i was/am happy for her. speaking of weddings, when i got back from carbondale aaron had picked up two jewelry catalogs from the mall. no prompting from me. i wonder if he's seriously pondering the question now. i don't know if i should get excited, cause it's always been me that's been reluctant. ugh, i don't know how i feel. i always set my expectations so high, what if i don't have the reaction i should? that's probably what worries me the most, that it's going to be so anti-climatic. maybe if it's something that i lived for it would be a different story. i seriously don't know how i would react. it's such a crazy feeling. i know everybody is gonna say, "it's about time." that's about the same way i feel.

i hung out with adam briefly on friday night. it's just so weird going back there. i keep saying that i'm so old, but i know otherwise. priorities in my life are changing. sure hanging out and going to shows is fun, but my life doesn't revolve around it. and everyone i see there, i don't know. it's been too long. sometimes i feel like i wouldn't hang out with most of the people down in carbondale if it wasn't for nate and aaron. i actually saw dustin at the hangar as well. of course he ignored me or at least he didn't make any effort to talk to me. it's so funny because apparently he asks about me when i'm not there but doesn't even glance my way when i am. i've taken it upon myself to not make any effort at being his friend. it's like he always said, "let your friends come to you" i never thought i'd be saying these words but i have absolutely no desire to be his friend. as i reread this, i can't believe i'm saying it. and what really bites, apparently carrie is hanging out with andrea all the time now. how this happened i have no idea. it's crazy how things work, definetly the small-town dynamic.

everything is moving, moving, moving

riding 5 hours in the back of a pick up truck wasn't as nostalgic as we thought it would be. brian was pretty insistant we ride in the bed of my dad's new truck. he thought it would be great, just like when we were kids. he soon found out that when your 3x the size you were the last time you rode back there, things aren't so fantastic. we still had fun, the three of us, brian, irina(his wife) and i. it was great to see family again. i think i can handle them in small doses. i was glad that aaron was with me this time around. he makes everything more bearable. did get a little family gossip. the things you learn!

the wedding was, of course, beautiful. david and jessica set the bar pretty high! i'm just so picky, i don't think it's ever gonna happen, and not because of aaron, it'll all be me!

yesterday we went to the dodger/cardinals playoff. it was an experience. i had a great time, aaron on the other hand had a spectacular time. right now we're living nothing but baseball. it'll probably be this way till the end of the world series. i don't mind it too much, i like baseball a little more than i like any other spectator sport. go cards!

long distance information

today aaron's 29, man are we getting old. it's his golden birthday. never knew what that was til i had mine this year. 29 on the 29th. i got him a set of tickets to see the first game of the cardinals division playoff. he was stoked. yeah me! i know how to make my man happy! right now he's in ny spending a couple of days in cooperstown, sucking in everything baseball. i'll meet up with him friday when we head to my cousin's wedding. sucks to only have a few days there, i need a job where i can take real vacation!

next weekend candace is getting married. the day has finally arrived, i still can't believe she's getting married, she's still a baby. at least in my eyes! wonder how soon it'll be before she starts squirting out little ones! i should talk, i've got baby fever, somebody stop me. they're just so cute, why must they be so cute and cuddly! i could just eat them all up with a little spoon.

i don't really want to go down to carbondale. there's so much drama that i don't want to involve myself with. last time was the worst. it's like a freaking soap opera. it's like they have nothing better to do than involve everyone in their meaningless lives. blah, blah. i'm gonna avoid the normal "clique" and hang out with people i actually like, who don't involve me in their trysts! two weekends in a row, what am i thinking.

cryin time

so here i am at work on a sunday, i'm such a diligent worker! although i have spent a little of the time writing emails. which i never do at home. i could blame the slow internet speed, but one has nothing to do with the other. i just have television at home to preoccupy my time.

i've got to get a hobby outside the house. it's nothing that is done to me or towards me, but everything he does annoys me. i need to do some yoga or something. maybe i'll make a much needed trip to the gym. that'll take about an hour of annoyance out of the day.

why must mocha frappacinos be sooo good? nothing compares! i mean it, i've tried them all and nothing compares. i'm gonna gain so much weight. i've gotta curb my thirst for them.

but, mmmmmmmmmmmm.

memphis tennessee

last night we drove down to st. louis to see chuck berry in concert. it was crazy. the guy's almost 80 and he's still rockin like it was nothing. it was great!

tomorrow we're headed to a cards game and saturday we're gonna see b.b. king down by the arch. so we're gonna have a pretty packed weekend. looking forward to it all!

i just got back from the dentist so my mouth is all numb, freaking cavity. it's such a weird sensation, not being able to feel something on your body. i guess that's why people drink and do drugs.

things at home are a little strained. i don't think i am meant to have a roommate. they always seem to annoy me after a while. the only person that doesn't annoy me is aaron. is that criteria for getting married?

pressure drop

so. . . since i haven't updated this in a while there have been a few changes in the lives of those around me. of course my life remains the same, f*¢k amazing race!

nate and michelle are through, carrie and chris are through, mark and jane were through but aren't now. at least the last i heard they weren't. apparently michelle is psycho. you would never have guessed otherwise, but she's currently stalking nate. it's always the nice girls. carrie and chris ended about a month ago. i don't think it was mutual but life apparently is going on for both of them.

new quest. survivor.

gaitlinburg in less than a month, then costa rica a month after that. woo-hoo.

king of fools

for some reason i'm getting excited at the possibility of making the cut for this reality tv thing. we haven't even turned in our application yet, how silly am i?!? i haven't gotten really excited about anything lately, so this is a welcome change. i've actually played scenarios in my head of what i should put on the application that will catch their eye, what questions will be asked during the interview process, i've even considered filling out nick's application for him so i can make him sound super interesting and to make sure it's legible. when did i become so gay!? and when did i become such a control freak? i have to have my hand in everything. tomorrow we make our 3 minute video. i've got to come up with something cool and maybe script it out. it's so crazy how something like this can change my attitude. i've been in this rut, hating my job, and now all i can think of how if we make this...we can scream "take this job and shove it!" right in their faces. oh, to imagine the possibility is so exhilerating!

back to reality, my reality!

mommy's little monster

nick and i have hatched a plan, or i should say i hatched it and he's scheming to make it a go. yes, we've decided to get on tv. we printed out the forms, made plans to make a video next weekend and this time a month from now we should know if our hard work has paid off. although i can say we haven't put any work into it, but brainwork. it's our way to get rich quick! we'll use reality tv for good and not evil, if that's possible.

widb

tuned into widb, the college radio station in carbondale, and they just happened to be interviewing a band, the teenage faces. i don't know exactly who's in the band, cause i logged in halfway through the interview, but i think mike martin might be one of the members. i'll have to ask nate when i get home. they did give nate some props for his dancing, i think it was mike because no one else knew who he was. talk about weird.

i am a patient girl, i wait, i wait, i wait

new hd is finally up and running all 20gb. got it about 2 or 3 years ago and am now installing it. i don't know what my problem was/is. probably thought i was gonna screw it up so i told myself today, if i screw it up...what a good reason to get a new computer. even if i can't afford it. but it's working just dandy so no new mac. :(

my room is coming along. aaron wishes everything would be done and over with. how inpatient he can be. things like this take time, must aquire stuff before you start plastering it randomly all over the walls. silly boy!

work tomorrow. blah! blah! blah!

stuck in the middle

i'm so easily irrated lately. seriously, you ask me something and i'm freaking annoyed that you asked, doesn't matter what it is. my tolerance for people is at an all time low. this is one bitch session after another. i don't think it's gonna change until my work situation changes. working.

on a brighter note. my dad got me an early birthday present! drawers. . . woohoo! thanks dad, you always come through.

dismissed

and i wonder why i hate this job. pete was terminated today. i can't say fired, terminated just seems a little less harsh. been here for eight years and now he's just gone. sometimes i wonder how some people can live their lives as cruel, insensitive beings. i wonder how other people can tolerate or stand them on a daily basis. i wonder why i've put up with it this long. i've never been one to stick around negative people when i don't have to. it's just a f*cking job. it's time to move on.

since i've been here, people who have left or were fired*

carolyn, barbara, laurel, megan, heather, jennifer, jeff, candice, judy, cindy, linda, melissa, brad, tim, angela, dominick, janeen, rauchaun, tracy, patrick, jack, allison etc... i'm sure i'm forgetting a few

i've been here 3 years...that's pathetic.

the more you ignore me

last thursday, nick comes in late to work because he had to walk. why? because he got a dui earlier that morning. i don't feel sorry for him one bit. pay your fine and let this be a lesson to you.

this past weekend we went to st. louis for a party at donnie's. it was a house-warming/engagement party. it's weird but i hardly know donnie or his fiance, sarah. we had a good time despite the fact.

their house was cool. we have the same taste/style in decorating. made me want to jump on the bandwagon and get our house done. soon enough. they had a cool room in the basement that had a bar, dj turntables, poker table...etc. i liked it all!! pretty sad when all you talk about is the place and not the people there. we did see a lot of people we hadn't seen in a long time. brandon and jake made an appearance. didn't chat with them. but it was cool to see them. we knew it was time to leave when nate and chris started shooting each other in the a$$es with a blow gun.

i guess nate and a few others decided to stay there after everyone left and the cops showed up. or at least an extremely idiotic cop showed up. funny story.

pretty eventful weekend.

sometimes i don't mind

sometimes i wonder how much time i'm wasting... i feel like i'm in a constant state of limbo. where i'm not moving forward, not looking back... my life seems a little stale. i need to get out. live life. any suggestions where i should start? no committments please.

i just read that they are pulling the shirts that say "boys are stupid" out of stores. maybe i can take up a cause and fight the power. why stop there? i should start up my own protest, watch out "i'm with stupid -->" i'm gunning for you. although i better check for skeletons, cause who knows what's hiding out in my closet.

stuck in the middle

i don't know what it is but aaron and i are just not ones for "fancy" restaurants. i don't mind getting dressed up to eat, i don't mind having more than one course, but the whole atmosphere just bugs me. maybe if i was hoity-toity, i'd fit right in. but it's just not my element. i think what irritates me the most is that a large percentage of the people actually think they're better then the rest of the world because they have a little cash to throw around. i always wonder if i were rich, would i be the same person i am now. oh wait i am "rich"

toxic

ok, i'm not a britney spears fan. i've never purchased an album. i've never cared about who she is or what she's all about. i still don't but i just watched her new video and i find myself liking it a lot. i think it's the visual aspect that's caught my eye. i'm positive it's the same thing that happened with the "hey ya" video. the colors are supersaturated and the editing is great. she looks hot in every part of the video. (insert graphic lesbian scene here) what's happening to me??

work it

reality tv has taken a turn for the worse. they are now making movies about making reality television. i know they made one last year that actually hit the big screen, "the real cancun." wait a minute, i guess that's not really a movie about making tv but more like an extended tv show. nonetheless it bombed, that should be a hint producers should heed. i think every station has a reality show or two under their belts. i thought this was a craze that would die just as fast as it came about. they must have the shelf life of a twinkie, they'll be around forever!

rock show

going to chicago this weekend. have to pick up a few things at ikea, probably the last time we'll ever go there. aaron is intent on checking out the place where you eat with your hands and they put on a little show for you while you do. sounds like fun.

girl scout cookie time. mmmmm. i'm sucker for coconut, caramel, chocolate and wafers. mmmmm.

leanne just walked down, gotta go.

rocksteady

so the new year has come and gone. back to the daily grind of my life. had a great new year. drank a little too much and swore off drinking the rest of the year! we'll see how long it lasts! so far so good. come home to find out joe and kate are expecting in august. i almost cried. . . i know how long they've been trying and i felt so overjoyed for them! joe's calling it squishy for now, it'll be awhile before they know for sure what they have and before they give it a real name. hopefully it won't be named after a star wars character like their dog among other things. i get to help decorate, i can't wait!

carrie and her friend dana are coming up here to get their haircut by nate. we'll be doing dinner later, at least i think so. kristin let the cat out of the bag and said we bet on her and chris's relationship. why she told her that, i don't know. all is good though. carrie's a sport, it just gives her more reason to prove us wrong!

less than a month and i'll be on the east coast. i'm excited. gonna see the slackers while there! can't wait!

radio, radio

early deadlines, christmas, sickness and family have plagued my life the past two weeks. it's a wonder i'm still here. it's a wonder anyone around me is still here. i've been somewhat irritable lately. i don't know what it is but i was so ready for the holiday season to be done and over with. there's just so much chaos that goes hand in hand with the holidays that it starts to become overwhelming. i start longing for some peace and quiet, and it's finally come. actually it's just a lull till new years. it's so weird because i used to love it. of course it may have been the company i was keeping. maybe next year will be better. i sure as hell hope so!

true romance

jenny had her baby thursday and ash had her baby this morning. both girls. both healthy. all is good in the world.

went out to the magic kitchen for a little thai. was a first for nate and michelle. drank a little wine. picked up some more alcohol on the way home. did a little drinking. played some board games. it wasn't an extremely exciting night. but it was good to just chill. chilling is what we do best. tired. but not like last night when i couldn't make it through pirates of the carribean. had to watch it this morning. orlando bloom is still ungodly hot and johnny depp is right up there as well. oh to be the meat in that sandwich! mmmmm.

next weekend we're going down to carbondale and the weekend after that we're going to st. louis and then on to robinson to see some of my family. more babies to visit and oogle.

apes wrote aaron. wonder what prompted it. he mentioned dustin being in a new band. gotta find out the truth behind the myth. save it for next weekend.

rascal king

quiet day today. nick is out and hardly a soul has ventured down to my domain. listened to a few ringtones for my cell. hardly worth the money but it would be nice to have my own ring. i hate it when you're somewhere and someone has the same ringtone. i get all excited for nada. might go to a comedy show this weekend. we've pretty got every weekend booked this whole month. feeling a little popular for once. people actually like us.

family guy

long time since my last update. lots has happened since. nutshell: mass + band came and went. great seeing him. talked his ear off. always happens when we get together. spent thanksgiving at matt and kristin's. had a little bird and watched a little porn. funny how that came about. not a very long story...usually what happens when you have digital cable and a bunch of undersexed guys.

christmas is coming. tis this season. can't wait!

lip smacker

last night i went with leanne and her daughter to do a little shopping at a store that just opened up down the street. it was the first time i met her daughter and believe you me, leanne doesn't look like someone that has a 13 year old kid. you know that acronym m.i.l.f. that they refer to in the american pie movies. i can see leanne falling into that category easily. i guess that's one good thing about having your kids early in life.

the clothes they make the man

ok, so i'm retarded sometimes when it comes to my pooch. i was actually considering buying him a set of "dog shoes" to wear around matt & kristin's. they layed new floor and don't want his claws to scratch up the floor. and my reasoning. . . what better way to prevent that then to buy little dog booties! we went up to the pet store and put a pair on him, poor bosco. he acted like he had a broken leg and refused to put it down on the ground. it was the funniest sight i'd seen in a long time. he always seems to make me laugh. nonetheless, aaron wasn't gonna have his dog prancing around in some gay puppy shoes. i can't even believe he even consider it to begin with. but the sight quickly reminded him why it was a dumb idea! i'm silly!

as seen on tv

last night we went and saw elf with will farell. it was an okay movie. not really as funny as we were expecting it to be. a little disappointing in fact. i don't know what we were thinking. we wanted to see kill bill, but it's already left the theaters here, which we both found semi wierd. elf is a movie you'd take the kids to or wait for the video. definetly not worth the $7.50 to see in theaters.

i'm gonna try and go the whole day without turning on the tv. i know it sounds like an impossible feat. but it can be done. notice how i didn't say 24 hours. simpsons finally premiers tonight and you gotta see the simpsons. it's a staple to every young blooded americans diet of pop culture.

nick had his date last night. i should probably call to see how it went. i'll just wait til tomorrow. i'm sure nothing crazy happened, if it did i'd probably have a voice message waiting for me this morning.

sealed for your protection

it's so weird when you haven't seen somebody in over 10 years and you talk to them as if it were just yesterday. i'm not sure if it's better this way or not. i know i would have a difficult time being their friend now because we are so different. you go you're separate ways, but the anonymity of email makes you the same.

lawrence wrote me and told me he's starting up a little side project as a wedding photographer. "a dolphin's dream" is the name he chose and wants me to help design flyers. . . etc for him. i guess i'll do it. i'm not too excited about it. why did he have to go and choose a dorky name?

my dad just sent me an email from iraq. he's coming back later this week. i'll be so glad when he's back in the states. i'll have to shoot him a hello in a sec.

burn for you

i got an email from mass yesterday. squirtgun is coming to springfield november 20! can't wait to see him, it's been a long time since we last saw each other. if i remember correctly it was at warped tour 2001. so it's been over 2 years. crazy! it's cool that we've kept somewhat in touch.

i gotta come up with a place to eat for lunch. let me ponder. . .

she was a skater girl

i'm rolling around the office in some short shorts and 70s hair. everyone thinks i should wear my hair this way all the time. i'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.

yesterday i let nate give me some highlights at his hair school. it was pretty funny. i sat there while everyone around me was working on these stationary heads. people were giving perms, rolling hair, cutting, there were even a few heads propped up on garbage cans under the hair dryers. that was definetly a funny sight to see. nick is there right now, getting his hair chopped. i think nate will feel better working on real people rather than those unblinking manaquins.

tonight is the halloween party down in carbondale. it should be a blast. maybe i'll attempt to post some photos in a future journal entry.

age is just a number

every time i look at the screen (while at work) the fonts for my journal are extremely tiny. i've got to bump up the size to 120% in order to read it. is this the beginning of the end for me? pretty soon the music is gonna be too loud and my bodily functions will work on their own. i can't wait!

throw in an upbeat tempo

ok, it's my quest to be more positive. impossible as it may be, i'll make an effort in some way or another. connie is going to meet with sharon today. . . so that's one good thing that's happened in the last 24 hours.

unfortunately for me i didn't win those roller skates on ebay. but to keep things positive. . . i should be able to find a cheaper pair at the goodwill that look beat up enough for my taste. did i forget to mention that i'm gonna be a "roller girl" for halloween this year? aaron has decided that he wants to be a crack whore so we've been on a quest to find him the sluttiest outfit known to man! we did manage to find him a pair of size 11 silver sandal. he's on a mission to find a tube top although i think a lingerie top and black bra would be much better. he's just not seeing my vision. i was hoping to find a furry short coat as well. we may have to look in the big city for one, especially one that will fit him! watch out carbondale, we're gonna be rolling into your town soon!

we bury our sins

i'm so easily annoyed, especially with those i work with. here goes a conversation i had last friday and the outcome that resulted.

s: do you mind if i call connie back to work with us?
me: heck no! i loved working with connie.
s: do you have a number i can reach her at?
me: i have her cell.

couple hours pass. i try and call connie to warn her about the impending phone call. cell number doesn't work. so i call heather who tells me to call jack who gives me connie's home number. i talk to connie and tell her what's up and she's down with talking with sharon and may consider coming back. so she gives me the green light to give sharon her home number. i give sharon her number. sharon, in turn, pulls beth aside and speaks to her about it. then they come back. place an ad in the sjr and call around to see if any of their friends can take the job. i hate beth, cause she's a big, fat baby and can't get over her insecurities. when are they gonna learn that no one is gonna stay in that position as long as beth is around. and we'll have to train someone new every 3 months because of it. if liking beth was a criteria for working here, this place would be pretty vacant.

eewy-gooey

i've reached a point in my life where i am surrounded by babies. either it's the couple trying to conceive or the ones who are seven months along or the ones who already have a little one in tow. then i start to ponder if that could be me, if it should be me. i was so anti procreate, now i'm finding that the hard anti-baby shell being bombarded with one baby after another. and i'm all baby-gooey on the inside after all. when any little one steps into a room the shell gets another chip in it. i think i want one all to myself, where i'm the most important person in someones life. i think most parents feel that way. i know it's a feeling of selfishness, but boy does it feel good when your kid wants no one but you. maybe i need to rethink this... give it a test run or something along those lines. i'm sure i'll change my mind if i had to deal with it on a daily basis.

wasted days

so i went this morning and got a haircut, i'm actually happy with it. the girl did a great job and did exactly what i asked. so i didn't have to pretend that i liked it, it was genuine! unbelievable.

our big "family" meeting is this evening. i don't anticipate anything to come of it. all i know is that a lot of things are gonna finally be said. and there will be no denying the feelings and emotions anymore. it's all gonna be laid out in front and he can take it for what it is or continue to be oblivious. all of us find it hard to believe that he can't see how unhappy the rest of the family is. it's just so sad, i think his relationship with the boys, especially nate, has been damaged. i'll be surprised if nate has anything to do with him anymore. we'll have to see how things do turn out. i'm not sure if being a pessimist is such a good thing but if i were an optimist i'm almost positive i'd be hugely disappointed.

insomniac

so today i decided that work can do without me. it's the first time i've called in "sick" in a long time. you ever have one of those nights where sleep never comes? i had one last night. i stayed up til about 3 then layed in bed the rest of the night, tossing and turning. i still wasn't asleep when the alarm went off this morning. so i took it upon myself to skip work. cause i know i'd be crabby/bitchy if i went. so i did everyone a favor. nonetheless, didn't have a good sleep this morning either. i kept feeling i was awake when i was asleep, it's not a great feeling.

i did see the "hey ya" video at about 2:45am so all was not wasted.

learn to code

so we hire this guy to help me out with the online form (and general web stuff) for our site. basically i did most of it myself. but there was one thing i couldn't figure out so i give him a call. instead of telling me to delete the handle name (i couldn't get rid of the handle) he says there's some type of script i have to put in to make the handles disappear. so he says he's gonna walk me through it next time. he sends me back the original, with the updated "coding" and all he did was delete the handle. no special script, no nothing. i'm not a web guru but i know a little and it didn't take a genius to figure that one out!

hoosier love

i'm completely bored. last night i crashed early cause i felt like poop and tonight i'm surfing lj, reading random posts of people i don't even know while trying to watch "hey ya" online. 56k modems suck for both. i don't even know why the m in mtv stands for music cause about 99% of what's on there has nothing to do with it. i watched a whole hour of direct effect to no avail. i need another fix of that video. i might have to ask joe to download it for me so i can overplay it and drive it into the ground for those around me. there's just something about the graphics and the song that really shake my tailfeather. i'm such a dork!

i think i'm going to go to that saves the day show, still haven't asked carrie. she emailed me today so i'll ask her about it tomorrow. aaron said something about going to see phantom planet in november, not sure how i feel about that one.

i should probably send a quick hello to candace. haven't talked to her in a long time. last time i was in town, i found out from sherry she was doing an apprenticeship with darren king. this was all new news to everyone involved. i wonder if dustin knows yet. i'm sure he does, news travels fast in small towns. i can't really believe it, but in a way i can. one more surprising thing to learn about her!

precious memories

you would think once you hit the age of 50 you would know how to conduct yourself in a somewhat civilized manner. we get this invite to attend a "surprise party" for mark this weekend. of course no word of this has been mentioned to us til today. it's not like we live in town and don't have anything else going on in our lives. but jane lives in her own little world, where everyone revolves around her. and we can drop everything we're doing to appease her.

i mean there's a lot of history here that i haven't mentioned, and it would probably help if i gave a little background information. unfortunately, that would get my blood to boiling and i wouldn't be able the function the rest of the day. she's sucked mark into her little world... and frankly i don't see an end to anything til one of the boys says something. aaron is on the verge. nate could care less. and poor dan, he has to endure it all.

hey, jane. aaron's birthday is on monday. maybe we already have plans to celebrate it. maybe you should remind mark about his son's birthday. maybe you should just go away! i think that would make everyone happy.

short and curly

i need a new do. this one is getting tired and old. i've been wearing my hair up all summer long just because it's easier to manage. i need something where i can roll out of bed in the a.m., give my head a little shake and poof...my hair looks marvelous. yeah right. with this afro o mine i should be so lucky. i'll schedule an appointment today. maybe this time i can fess up and say "duh, that's not the look i was going for." i'm so nice though...so it probably won't happen.

so fresh and so clean

i saw the new outkast video the other day, and me likey a lot. there's something about it that makes me all gushy inside, have yet to put my finger on it. there must be something subliminal that's making me feel this way. maybe when i see it again i can figure out what it is.

the spawn of . . .

headed up to chicago this weekend. not for a social engagement but to find stuff for the house. apparently ikea has tons of stuff for cheap. and i love me some cheap stuff. it's so funny how priorities start to change. before it was head to st. louis or chicago for a show, now it's head to chicago or st. louis for some home decor! actually, saves the day plays on the 7th of oct. i gotta find out if carrie still wants to go, or anyone for that matter. i may even go solo. that'll be a first.

i walk the line

is it possible to become addicted to cold medicine? some people use alcohol to drink themselves into a stupor, but my drink of choice has become cold medicine. not really to get f**ked up, but to get some zz's. it's not like i'm taking an exorbent amount...i'm taking the recommended dosage, but man does it do a number on me. i'm out within an hour or two...where it would ususally take 6 or 7. i'm not addicted, just use it to enhance my sleep pattern. yeah. that sounds good!

bear in a big blue house

we had the worst waiter ever last night. first of all he wasn't very friendly, and we're probably the friendliest people he'll ever encounter. second of all, he spilled my lemonade (the whole glass) all over me, i'm talking butt drenching wet. third of all, my order was all screwed up, my pasta was way overcooked and drenched in alfredo sauce (which i didn't order) i should have sent it back...but i'm so paranoid someone will spit or hauck something in my food for being difficult. i just sucked it up. picked at my meal, ate about 1/16th of it. at least i got a free dessert. i was so ready to get out of there. at least my butt was halfway dry by the time we left. i am feeling the stomach grumbling now...time for some real food.

smash the disco

Went out last night. First time in a long time around here. Nate wanted to have a few drinks before heading south. He had a few and then some. That boy can hold his liquor! It's cool having him around again. Nick got obliterated, made a few calls, threatened a few lives. Very surprised to see him this morning. Gonna have lunch together in a few.

Working weekends suck... forcast for Saturday... RAIN. This is why I don't volunteer for work. Passing out soggy papers to nobody sounds like a real fun way to spend a Saturday afternoon. I don't know if it'd be better if the sun were shining. Then I'd hate having to be there when I could be doing something else. Work just sucks... plain an simple.

scratch that itch

Drink, drank, drunk!

You've spent 26 years of your life avoiding the bottle. Threatening to reject those who touch it. We spent long nights discussing/arguing about the merits of alcohol. In the end, your logic always prevailed. So what did it take to make you take that first sip? And keep on sipping. Disappointed? Not really. Slowly the pedestal I've placed you on is crumbling. The person I knew is gone. I have to admit that to myself.

The things you say...

It's been quite a while since I last posted anything. Another vacation is approaching fast. Actually can't wait to get out of here once again. The beach is calling and it's time for me to answer. Ta for now.

simple minds.

Back to the hustle and bustle of this so-called life o'mine! Vegas was great. Took tons of pics, definetly didn't want to come back to the below zero temps and snow. The Vagina Monologues are tonight, I really don't have a desire to go. Maybe I'll call Nick and see if he's up for it. If not we can just crash the reception and ease out of the actual show. Aaron's on call tonight and just informed me that he's got to see five more patients before he can head home...so that means I probably won't see him for another 5 hours. I think he's happy that this month is finally over. I know I am.

vegas baby!

Tomorrow we depart for a short stint in Vegas. I can hardly wait. Snow and freezing cold I can really do without! I'm betting I'll see someone famous, cause for some reason, everyone who's anyone spends a little R&R there. I wish I didn't have to come back. Maybe we'll get stuck there and I won't have too come back for months!!! One can only dream!