Monday, December 29, 2008

proven otherwise

at least by mother nature. saturday i had some spotting which isn't uncommon during the early phases of pregnancy. but just to be sure all was well, i asked aaron if we should do a home pregnancy test (hpt). it had been 11 days post transfer and technically any hormones in my system should be out by now. his answer was to wait the two days for my blood test. yesterday, i woke up with more spotting and told aaron i WANTED to do a hpt. he agreed to pick one up when he was out running some errands. four hours later when he walked in the door with the test, i was almost positive AF (aunt flo/my period) had arrived. "i don't think i need to take the test anymore." i told him. i did anyways and it came up BFN (big fat negative). very disappointing! i went ahead and headed down to hickory this morning to get the blood test to confirm what i already know. unless i'm some freak who has her period while pregnant this cycle is pretty much a bust. right now i really can't talk or think about it without crying. keeping myself distracted has helped somewhat, but i'll have pangs of disappointment and sorrow. i'm sure it'll pass with time.

i'm already thinking about our next cycle and asking how soon we can start. my nurse said i'll have to wait til after they get my blood results back today to decide what our next step will be. luckily, we decided to participate in the "shared risk" program. basically it's where you pay for two IVF procedures up front and get the third one free. we kinda thought it would take the pressure off if we knew we had three chances to make it work. it also includes three frozen embryo transfers (FET) too but since we didn't have any to freeze with this cycle we'll have to skip and go on to another fresh one.

if this cycle had worked, we would have been paying double the cost for treatment. at least now we'll be getting our money's worth. (yeah, i'm trying to rationalize this failure) also with "shared risk" if after all our attempts have been exhausted and we don't come home with a baby we'll get 70% of our money back. so all will not be lost. i think we'll start looking into other options after this is completely done. but we've still got a little while to go.

5 comments:

Cat said...

I'm so sorry this cycle didn't work for you. We also got the shared risk plan and I felt the same way when our first cycle didn't work in July - that at least we were getting our money's worth. Still, I would have been far happier to be bitching about the expense while pregnant . . .

You'll be able to start again in a cycle or two. May we both be blessed in 2009. Then you'll easily gain that weight for the Wii.

Pam said...

That's keeping a stiff upper lip! Just keep going for it. Who knows, it might even happen naturally . . . and that's way more fun!

Valeta said...

I don't know you that well and I never know what to say.

*hugs*

Super Blogger Girl! said...

Im really sorry Susan, keep trying, this is just the first round and sometimes it takes a few tries. I am here for you if you need to email.

acaraway said...

when i read this yesterday, i really didn't know what to say. jason and i both hurt for you, but take a deep breath and know that when it works that tiny little one will be worth all of this. lots of love to you both!!!