you adore me

okay, i'm a voyeur. i admit it. i read what you have to say. and i know more about you then you think. it's my secret obsession. it's why myspace is so addicting. half of you don't know who i am, half of you could care less. you're reading this, do you have this same affliction?

bug free and loving it

so i have this paronia about creepy, crawly insects. the kind that bother you in your sleep. you know the feeling. when you're lying there, on the verge of sleep and consciousness and you feel something crawling along your backside or up your arm. i cringe just thinking about it. then there's that fly that keeps buzzing by your ear. the one that flys by every 10 minutes so you can fall asleep long enough to wake up again. i read/saw somewhere that the average person swallows 3 spiders a year in their sleep. i'm building a bubble to ensure i'm not a statistic.

gonna bring a broom tonight to the cardinals game. feel it boston. although it just got 20x darker in the last 10 minutes. tornado time?!?

only in her mind

friday: party at carrie's
circles colliding - not so much. it's all in her mind. 3 separate groups, all in the same place, not too much mingling going on. bonfire drinking games rule...1,2,3 drink. ramen noodle break at 3am, yum. home by 4.

saturday: party/show at some house, inject deja vu (early college days)
band plays a few songs, cops bust in, kick everyone out. i score 7 bucks. party moves to lost cross. aaron and friends depart, head for the cellar. hung with carrie, candace, timmy and jen. boones farm in a ghetto sleeve, yes! photo frenzy from here on out. crazy, asian tourist walking the streets of carbondale. did manage to create a human pyramid sometime during the evening. soon i'll let the pictures do the talking. home by 2am.

coming to a town near you

i'll be making an appearance in the 'dale. start high stepping it over to see me right - not now, but now! carrie's having a bday bash that sounds interesting. when circles collide and the moon is full something is bound to happen. i'm not sure about the moon being full, but i'm sure i'll have something to report after this weekend.

what the heck are kudos? someone enlighten me.

you are dismissed

and i wonder why i hate this job. connie was terminated today. i can't say fired, terminated just seems a little less harsh. nick called me before i left home and told me she was already gone. sometimes i wonder how some people can live their lives as cruel, insensitive beings. i wonder how other people can tolerate or stand them on a daily basis. i wonder why i've put up with it this long. i've never been one to stick around negative people when i don't have to. it's just a f*cking job. and the biggest kicker of them all, sharon actually asked me to call connie to get/beg her to come back to the illinois times last year after she quit. wtf. this is the beginning of the downward spiral, i feel it.

since i've been here, people who have left or were fired*

carolyn, barbara, laurel, megan, heather, jennifer, jeff, candice, judy, cindy, linda, melissa, brad, tim, angela, dominick, janeen, rauchaun, tracy, patrick, jack, allison, pete, todd, leanne, julie, adam, etc... i'm sure i'm forgetting a few

i've been here almost 4 years...that's pathetic.

furry legs and peni spotting

memphis in may, baby!

this weekend we made the 6 hour trek to memphis. had a great time listening to tunes, people watching, and fair food eating! 3 days, 3 stages and i'm here to talk about it. ha! ok. actually about 80% of the music was not my cup of tea. not too into the hippie-groove/jam thang. but the bands we did see, totally rocked. highlights include but not limited to: billy idol, the killers, elvis costello, war, jack johnson and spin doctors. unfortunately we missed jerry lee lewis, who i would have loved to have seen. and lisa marie (if you're in memphis it's practically a sin not too). i did however see, not one but 2 penises, a lot of hairy legs (on girls), mud wrestling (it rained all day friday), tons of braless women and a lot of green (pot, to those not in on the drug jargon). all in all it was a funtastic time. no cameras at a music festival, it makes no sense to me. next time i'll sneak a camera in.

my dvd came today. i need to see if it's going to make me the prodigy it promises!

susan, out!

pseudo celebrity

this year the academy meeting was in new orleans and being the good girlfriend i am, i tagged along. (aaron really had to twist my arm *wink *wink) basically, it's residents attending classes all day and partying all night. literally, there was a party or two every night we were down there. everything paid for by drug companies, including alcohol, entertainment, food, beads... i mean everything!

the first night we were there, we went to a party that was in a club/bar on bourbon st. i can't recall the name, but i know it had a balcony where we spent most of the evening. it's amazing how it's mardi gras any time you're down there. well, i went back in to get a bite to eat and i look over and i see this guy talking to a small group of people. somehow his face is ringing a bell, and it finally dawns on me that it's the guy from the reality show, big brother. season 2 to be exact. (it's the only season i ever watched, i swear!) i run up to aaron, and of course he sorta knows what i'm talking about, but not really. and i send him over to get a closer look. he walks over, looks at him and comes back and tells me its not him. there's no way this guy isn't who i think he is. and mark's wife, laurie, is totally in agreement with me. apparently she's the only one in our whole group that watched the show. so i send aaron back over to ask the guy his name. (like the way i send aaron to do all the dirty work, he's gotta buzz so he doesn't mind) aaron head's back over and starts talking to the guy. guess what? it's him, will kirby, the winner from big brother 2. apparently he's a d.o. in southern california.

while aaron is talking to will, kristi, aaron's coworker, comes up and i tell her who aaron's talking to. she heads over, and this is literally their conversation, kristi: "you have nice hair." will: "i'm doing a poll on the hottest residents here, and you're definetly in the running." apparently that gets the ball rolling. we soon leave the bar, jill, jamie and i head for the male strip club across the street. while the rest of the gang heads to the dance club next door. will and kristi apparently make out for a while on the dance floor. he soon tells her that he has a girlfried. kristi ends the make out session. and that's the end of that. he called her 20 times over the next few days. but she had moved on from the pseudo celebrity. i did have brian, another one of aaron's coworkers, take our picture with him. but brian thought he was a tool and promptly erased the photo when we got home. the end.

knock-down, drag-out

eat lunch or post....hmmm.

6 hours later...

so far so good. two days, no tv. i've actually practiced the guitar both nights. (*gives pat on back*) i'm basically starting over from scratch. learning notes, reading music. chords are hard, especially anything more then three strings. i think i need 4 eyeballs. one to watch the music, one to watch what strings i strum, one to make sure i'm on the right frets/string and one to make sure my burrito doesn't burn. ha! technically i can use an ear for that. i ordered a dvd to help me along. i need to know if i'm playing it right, i could be playing it all wrong but think i sound marvelous.

gotta get some bootcamp in.

hear me roar

the person who invented the yank method of starting up a lawn mower should be shot. don't they realize half the population have short arms. (i'm sure there's some statistic somewhere that says that) it must have been a funny site, lil me yanking over and over and over again to no avail. i finally got it started on the hundreth pull. i got my workout for the week, maybe even the year! ha!

no guitar this weekend, rachel's wedding invite took more time than i expected. last time i print, cut and sew 125 cards. it's worth it in the end. it looks fab-u-lous! and the money i make won't hurt either.

12 guage

aaron took his inservice on thursday and he and his coworkers went to cecils afterwards for a few drinks. i met up with them after work and got to see jamie and laurie. jamie told me she was taking guitar lessons at the house of music but it turned out to be a waste of time and money. what happened to her is what happened to me two years ago. you'd go there ready to learn something new and you'd be learning what you learned the week before. nothing ever progressed. i quit going. she did the same. i told myself that i'd start learning on my own. but with me, it takes a little more umph. i'm gonna dust my guitar off and start over this weekend. i'm inspired again!

if you leave your earrings out for a month i don't recommend trying to put 12 guages back in. it hurts.

talk 30 to me

so i have this lock box full of letters from a very long time ago. i haven't even opened it in almost 7 years. i'm not sure what to do with them. i'm tempted to have a small bonfire as a means to signify an official end. at the same time, i want to keep them as a record of that part of my life. i never kept a journal, so this would be the equivalent. i'm sure i'll like the person in there, unfortunately that person is long gone. funny how life happens.

tree city, usa

new addiction: playing poker online. ugh. i don't have the time, yet i can't stop playing. what's wrong with me?

i got the final proof for rachel's wedding invite done tonight. hopefully, there won't be any more changes. i gotta get them done this weekend when aaron's in st. louis and i'll have the whole house to myself. i've gotta get started on the bachlorette invites as well. at least i'll get some cash when it's all done and over with. that's something to look forward to. kate's family is slowly becoming my little cash cow.

gotta start thinking of some ideas for 2 logos i've been asked to help create. having a full time job and doing freelance is getting hard. especially when it's so beautiful outside. i love seeing something i planted last year sprout back to life. it's awesome. okay, i'm a nerd, but that's okay!

i just heard that the parents of the infamous menedez brothers went to siu. crazy.

brother for sale

unfortunately, this song has been embedded in my head all morning. if you saw the true hollywood story on mary kate and ashley olsen this weekend, you'll know what song i'm talking about.

bathroom brawl

those who know me, know that i don't deal with confrontation all too well. why create something out of nothing, which is the case about 99% of the time. but last night, i was ready to throw down in the women's bathroom. here's the story: it's about 1:30a, i've had a few. literally 2 all evening. i go to the bathroom, push the door and accidently hit a girl on the other side. she proceeds to use her foot as a doorstop when i try to get in. for some reason this pisses me off so i push as hard as i can, (all the working out has paid off) and bust in. then this girl starts cussing at me calling me a bitch. a nonstop barrage of profanities ensue. the whole time i'm thinking, "is this really happening?" some girls jump in the middle to try and calm the situation down. i could care less. this girl is obviously drunk and under the impression that the public bathroom is her own personal one. she could have stepped a foot over and prevented the whole situation. but no, she didn't. a stall opens up, she's says "if you need to go to the bathroom so bad, then go." so i go, i mean this is going nowhere. out of sight, out of mind. apparently. she'd forgotten the whole incident by the time we left the bathroom. i hate drunk biatches!

know when to hold 'em

okay, the unthinkable happened and the cardinals and red sox made it to the world series. there must have been some divine intervention involved here. so we get the perfect match up and what are the cardinals doing??? blowing it that's what! seriously, at least challenge the red sox. i mean you are the winningest team in baseball, at least show 'em how you got that title. ugh, why am i ranting on about this. i've been transformed into a baseball freak. pretty soon i'll be wearing the baseball earrings and carrying the transistor radio in my fanny pack. what a pretty picture.

on another note. went to hermann, had a great time. drank a little wine. never been a big fan of wine, still not. kristin had just a little too much and spent most of saturday afternoon and evening puking. saw a girl eat some dirty cheese, jeff got into a yelling match with a drunk girl and he was definetely "talking louder then she was" and had a guy lift his shirt up, rub his stomach while asking me how i was doing. to which i replied, "i'm not drunk, so this is not going to work on me." silly boy.

halloween is sounding more and more like a no go. i guess we need a weekend of rest. next weekend we'll head back to carbondale for jason and autumn's 30th birthday bash. they're going all out and having a mascarade party. how fun! can't wait, i think i'll get a big pouffy dress for the occassion. it's not often you get to wear pretty girly things.

dad's in baghdad this time around. i guess he's there for a 3 month tour. apparently he volunteered for this one. what a selfless man! i just sent him an email ranting on and on about the cardinals. he's probably wondering where all the baseball knowledge is coming from, certainly not from his dainty daughter. (well i guess dainty isn't a word to describe me at all). but you get the idea. although he's a self-proclaimed yankees fan he's gotta appreciate the two teams in the series. i mean they are both very deserving teams. but i still want the cards to win. go cards!

i've got the fever

so the cards just lost and are down a game in the championship series. aaron is an unhappy camper, throwing random articles of clothing, punching the floor. hopefully they can take the next two at home. bo sox are makin a comeback, let's set a new record in baseball, boys! who's your daddy now, damn yankees!

hermann this weekend, halloween next. gotta come up with a costume fast! got a few ideas. still don't know of any parties, cept one down in carbondale which i don't think we'll be attending. hopefully someone up here has one. aaron mentioned a big one at a surgeons house. we'll see.

go cards! go boston!

breakin the habit

so i have a new guilty pleasure. . . linkin park. i don't know how i got to listening to them, but i actually went out and purchased their cd. crazy, cause you know how much i hate buying cds. it's a great cd. it's got a beat i can dance to. j/k. let's just say that it wasn't a waste of money. i actually splurged and bought the new green day and the new elvis costello. when i go out, i go all out. i'll have to break them all in at work tomorrow. nick is gonna like that. at least i won't be listening to the same 4 songs over and over again like i have been the last 2 days. on the linkin park website they have a loop of the same 4 songs and i've just been letting it play all day. maybe i should bring in a pair of headphones so i can enjoy my music as much as like as loud as i like.

aaron's sucked me into baseball. go cards! i can't believe how into it he is. you would think he had a stake in the games! i wonder if he's made a few bets without my knowledge. i hope the cards win, they're the most deserving team in baseball. at least in my opinion.

candace's wedding was last saturday. i guess i didn't read the invite very well, cause it was just the reception that everybody was invited to. they kept it small, which was good. it was a great location the leaves were just changing so it made the perfect backdrop. i hung out with sherry, brandon and shea most of the time. i'm just not a people person, specially with people i barely know. of course candace looked fabulous. i was/am happy for her. speaking of weddings, when i got back from carbondale aaron had picked up two jewelry catalogs from the mall. no prompting from me. i wonder if he's seriously pondering the question now. i don't know if i should get excited, cause it's always been me that's been reluctant. ugh, i don't know how i feel. i always set my expectations so high, what if i don't have the reaction i should? that's probably what worries me the most, that it's going to be so anti-climatic. maybe if it's something that i lived for it would be a different story. i seriously don't know how i would react. it's such a crazy feeling. i know everybody is gonna say, "it's about time." that's about the same way i feel.

i hung out with adam briefly on friday night. it's just so weird going back there. i keep saying that i'm so old, but i know otherwise. priorities in my life are changing. sure hanging out and going to shows is fun, but my life doesn't revolve around it. and everyone i see there, i don't know. it's been too long. sometimes i feel like i wouldn't hang out with most of the people down in carbondale if it wasn't for nate and aaron. i actually saw dustin at the hangar as well. of course he ignored me or at least he didn't make any effort to talk to me. it's so funny because apparently he asks about me when i'm not there but doesn't even glance my way when i am. i've taken it upon myself to not make any effort at being his friend. it's like he always said, "let your friends come to you" i never thought i'd be saying these words but i have absolutely no desire to be his friend. as i reread this, i can't believe i'm saying it. and what really bites, apparently carrie is hanging out with andrea all the time now. how this happened i have no idea. it's crazy how things work, definetly the small-town dynamic.

everything is moving, moving, moving

riding 5 hours in the back of a pick up truck wasn't as nostalgic as we thought it would be. brian was pretty insistant we ride in the bed of my dad's new truck. he thought it would be great, just like when we were kids. he soon found out that when your 3x the size you were the last time you rode back there, things aren't so fantastic. we still had fun, the three of us, brian, irina(his wife) and i. it was great to see family again. i think i can handle them in small doses. i was glad that aaron was with me this time around. he makes everything more bearable. did get a little family gossip. the things you learn!

the wedding was, of course, beautiful. david and jessica set the bar pretty high! i'm just so picky, i don't think it's ever gonna happen, and not because of aaron, it'll all be me!

yesterday we went to the dodger/cardinals playoff. it was an experience. i had a great time, aaron on the other hand had a spectacular time. right now we're living nothing but baseball. it'll probably be this way till the end of the world series. i don't mind it too much, i like baseball a little more than i like any other spectator sport. go cards!

long distance information

today aaron's 29, man are we getting old. it's his golden birthday. never knew what that was til i had mine this year. 29 on the 29th. i got him a set of tickets to see the first game of the cardinals division playoff. he was stoked. yeah me! i know how to make my man happy! right now he's in ny spending a couple of days in cooperstown, sucking in everything baseball. i'll meet up with him friday when we head to my cousin's wedding. sucks to only have a few days there, i need a job where i can take real vacation!

next weekend candace is getting married. the day has finally arrived, i still can't believe she's getting married, she's still a baby. at least in my eyes! wonder how soon it'll be before she starts squirting out little ones! i should talk, i've got baby fever, somebody stop me. they're just so cute, why must they be so cute and cuddly! i could just eat them all up with a little spoon.

i don't really want to go down to carbondale. there's so much drama that i don't want to involve myself with. last time was the worst. it's like a freaking soap opera. it's like they have nothing better to do than involve everyone in their meaningless lives. blah, blah. i'm gonna avoid the normal "clique" and hang out with people i actually like, who don't involve me in their trysts! two weekends in a row, what am i thinking.

cryin time

so here i am at work on a sunday, i'm such a diligent worker! although i have spent a little of the time writing emails. which i never do at home. i could blame the slow internet speed, but one has nothing to do with the other. i just have television at home to preoccupy my time.

i've got to get a hobby outside the house. it's nothing that is done to me or towards me, but everything he does annoys me. i need to do some yoga or something. maybe i'll make a much needed trip to the gym. that'll take about an hour of annoyance out of the day.

why must mocha frappacinos be sooo good? nothing compares! i mean it, i've tried them all and nothing compares. i'm gonna gain so much weight. i've gotta curb my thirst for them.

but, mmmmmmmmmmmm.