so ill

why i decided to share this...i have no idea.

this morning i got up and gussied myself up for work. popped an antibiotic pill on my way out the door. didn't think anything of it. got to work, settled in for the day when nausau set in. i get this immediate urge to vomit. the blood just drains from my head...i run to the bathroom and sit on the toilet with my head between my legs. nothing. i go out to my car and lay down on the back seats. nothing, still feeling super sick. i go back inside and tell everyone i've got to go. grab my keys and head out the door. i get a block down the road and my lips go cold. i pull off into a restaurant parking lot and proceed to puke into a blanket in my car. yeah, i'm that nice. i refrained from grossing out the patrons of the restaurant coming out to their cars after a hearty breakfast. i get home, throw the blanket in the wash and head straight for bed. two hours later, after a nap and a warm shower, i feel 100% better. i can't even remember the last time i puked when alcohol wasn't involved. here's my moral. when something says it may cause nausau, it will cause nausau with me.

i turned in my letter of resignation tonight. no full time, no part time. i'm officially done working at the illinois times, wednesday, july 26. yeah for me. a weight has been lifted for good.

negril

we finally have the wedding booked and payed for. unbelievable, i know. november 4th in negril, jamaica. sorry, you're not invited...unless you are of blood relation and in our immediate family. a super small wedding. i also have my wedding dress bought and hanging in the closet along with the bridesmaids dresses. things are rolling along...

now it's my responsibllity to plan the reception. i have an idea of what i want, making it a reality...that's another story. next friday is my last day working full time. luckily kristin isn't working this summer and said she'd help me out with the reception. i'll have to take her up on it. dad gave me some money to plan this shindig and it's nice to have cash in my account. but i'm sure it'll quickly get drained once i start organizing this thing. weddings have an uncanny way of doing that.

a little birdie told me

doing a few domestic duties today and i come across two baby birds lying in the fresh mulch we layed monday. i'm talking baby, baby...no feathers, eyes still shut, visible veins. i call aaron over and we try and figure out where they came from. there isn't an apparent nest we can visibly see, so returning them isn't an option. aaron tells me there's really nothing we can do for them. of course i'm not going to just leave them as prey for the cats in the neighborhood so i decide to build them a make shift nest. a hanging basket, some twigs and a little mulch and presto - instant nest. aaron puts on some gloves and transports the birdies to their new home. as he's placing the second one in, i look over and see another baby. three of them. crazy. we placed our little bird abode by the window so we could monitor whether or not the mama would return. sure enough, both mama and papa returned to feed their brood. unbelievable, it worked. confident they would be fine we hung the nest in the tree. happy, happy, joy, joy. i almost feel like the dog whisperer...i'm awesome....ha!

the art of being patient

heartbreaker

aaron's graduation was last friday. he's not officially an attending until next monday, but he's pretty darn close. my how time has traveled. i just realized that i've been living in springfield for 7 years now. unbelievable, i know. this, by far, is the longest i've ever lived in one place. thanks military dad.

i stayed up all night thursday night making a video slideshow for his little graduation dinner. i'm compressing the video as i type. it was a hit. i should have had business cards to pass out while there. i need to start networking. i won't talk about work...it just infuriates me.

saturday night we went to st. louis and saw tom petty and the heartbreakers with matt and kristin. i wasn't really looking forward to it. not a humongous fan. but i did have great time. these concerts are the best places to people watch. and believe me there were about 20,000 people to watch. i couldn't believe how many people were there to see him. crazy. matt and kristin had just gone to see poison and cinderella the night before and said it wasn't nearly as crowded. i must admit, tom petty sounds exactly the same live as he does recorded which is great. now i've got tom on the brain. i think it's time to change my myspace song....my favorite tom petty song is...

the video is 20mb. and is taking forever to upload....i'll post a link later

that's sooooo retro

this past weekend i spent in robinson....helping my family clear out my grandparents house in order to put it up for sale. went down with an empty vehicle, came back with a jam-packed one. a majority of the stuff i'm gonna keep, but i do have some toys and golf clubs i'm supposed to put up on ebay. i just did a quick search for the some of the items and i don't think they're gonna fetch as much as my aunts expect. (they had a special ebay pile set up in one of the rooms). it's unbelievable the amount of stuff one accumulates over the years, my grandmother, of course, is no exception. she had gift wrap for just about every occassion and every card her and my grandfather had ever exchanged. i feel weird throwing it out, but i can't take everything.

my family thought it funny, the things i decided to take home. we had a garage sale two of the three days i was there and i was able to go around and pick out anything i wanted. most of the items i got would fetch a far better penny than the vintage toys and so-called ebay items. i picked up a box of paper napkins with cool cardshark illustrations. i could sell a few of them and make some cash. crazy i know.

best item i found was a box my dad made my grandma when he was in scouts. i'll have to take a pic because it's too hard to describe what it looks like and what it contains. it just makes me wonder what it would be like for my future kids/grandkids when they rummage through my life. i did inherit a stripped, high chair my grandmother used and a baby crib i think each of the grandkids used at one time or another. it's so nostalgic, i love it.

so all of my dad's sisters were there, my cousin wynne and my parents. it was a mini reunion of sorts. we camped out in my grandma's old house, she's in an apartment now. luckily they turned on the electricity and believe it or not we were able to get wireless internet. this i found unbelievable considering the only store they have is walmart. apparently the mayor lives across the street and uses the latest in technology. i'm gonna look for wynne now....i have a feeling his browsing myspace now. are you??

wicked burn

worked an extra long day today. shitty scheduling. who schedules one of the biggest issues of the year during a holiday week miss sharon, of course. she also decides to take 2 days off to set up for a fucking garage sale. priorities, gotta love them.

i have to send half the issue tomorrow by 11am. what was really great was none of the ad reps came in today. well i guess i shouldn't say none, tia did pop in for a second, but got nothing done. i guarantee they are gonna be the reason the paper doesn't go out on time. so all the extra time and effort will probably be a waste. i'll take my vacation day next monday which will be convenient for me since my parents will be in state.

watched 4 movies this weekend. 2 in theaters (da vinci code and xmen) and 2 on video (school of rock and the ringer). yeah, i was able to squeeze some movies in between working this weekend. i also messed around with imovie. aaron and christy are having a graduation dinner and want to have a video presentation, so i've been messing around trying to make a kick-ass one. i'll actually have a video to post sooner or later.

i started taking lunesta, in fact just took one half an hour ago. i really can't tell if it's actually making a difference. it doesn't kick in right away, that's for sure. i need to change my sleeping habits, so here's my first attempt.

aaron finds this funny. he read what i wrote...why do you write so everyone can see? did you write that your dog just farted? did you write that your boyfriend just made you laugh...ha, ha. i just did.

my wicked burn...with an iron across my wrist. very wicked!

i just sent back a pair of fake jeans...this is the second pair i've gotten off ebay. damn, i'm gonna have to spend real money for real jeans. damn counterfeits!

very random thoughts...i know. must be the drugs kicking in but probably not.

in god we trust

i'm a godmother now...fancy that!

discuss amongst yourselves

this weekend i had a random, crazy dream. and, yes, i'm gonna write about it, at least a shortened version of it. i was carrie bradshaw and was at a fundraiser with charlotte (i don't know why i'm dreaming about sex in the city characters when i've only seen a few episodes) anyways, i'm at this fundraiser and i'm deep in conversation with charlotte. we both turn our heads when we overhear "myah, myah, myah, myah-myah" (how the adults speak in charlie brown). i, of course, am confused by the conversation but apparently charlotte is some sort of secret agent because she automatically senses something's wrong and tells me to run for cover. right about this time, the "charlie browners" produce automatic weapons and start spraying bullets into the crowd. people fall left and right. and i end up face against the wall shot. charlotte, also shot, lies behind me. one of the terrorists comes up and begins shooting her in the back of the head, over and over again.

i wake up. all this conspiracy talk has got my mind hijacked! matt's influence

when its broke

a few months ago i had blood work done, aaron thought i might be anemic and wanted to double check. results: nothing unusual, maybe a little low on iron, nothing to suggest health problems. but i've progressively been getting worse. thought it could be allergies. thought it could be irritable bowel. thought it was lactose intolerence. now we're thinking it's my sleeping or nonsleeping patterns.

i've always been a night person, staying up late for as long as i can remember. mostly because of my lifestyle/career choices. but i used to sleep in when i stayed up and that's no longer the case. i go to bed at the same time, but wake up 5 or 6 hours later. my body has finally said this has gotta stop. my main problem...how to turn off my brain. lunesta hit it right on the nail, so next week i'm gonna start using a sleep aid and change my behaviorial patterns in order to get a decent night sleep.

i've been laying in the dark for 3 hours now, without any stimuli and i can't freaking fall asleep. i'm completely frustrated. it's suggested you leave your bed if you haven't fallen asleep within 15 minutes and go do something boring...like writing about this. and then try it again. here i go.

suicide watch

yesterday i got home from work and aaron greeted me carrying a cowering marley in his arms. "i think she ate a bottle of advil." what? how? i walked into the living room and there's vomit everywhere. i get to the back bedroom and my backpack and its contents are sprawled all over the floor. she had pulled my backpack off the dresser and proceeded to ransack its contents. lotion everywhere. contact solution emptied. pens chewed. lying in the center, a chewed up bottle of ibuprofen. "how many pills were in the bottle?" i don't have a clue. i'm pretty sure it wasn't full, wishfully thinking it only had a few. but by the way she's acting, i doubted it. quick call to the vet and we're off to the emergency vet clinic. she definetely looks drugged. a little lethargic. we got there, she started to perk up from the new attention she was getting. long story short, we ended up leaving her overnight so they could pump her with i.v. fluids to flush out her system. no clue how many pills she took, she's acting as if nothing ever happened. but we've got a $400 vet bill that says otherwise.

rumpshaker

had a great time in the 'dale. two fabulous shows and i saw a lot of people i hadn't seen in a long time. had two awkward myspace moments. friday i saw a bunch of people i originally had as friends but on my "no comment" rampage deleted. i guess it wasn't too awkward, because they hadn't noticed i was gone. so i've had to backtrack and befriend everyone.

then on saturday, i was getting my hair done and nate wanted to show gabe the funny pictures we had taken with my macbook. there wasn't any easy way to get to the photos...so i suggested going via my blog. so they're reading the titles of my blogs out loud and i don't know why, but i felt a little uncomfortable about it. probably because i'm not meant to be in a room when people are reading my blogs. it was just weird.

carrie decided to tear it up friday night. kept telling everyone that asians can't metabolize alcohol so i was way drunker than her after she did 3 shots of rumplemint. of course i was the one that drove everyone home and wasn't fondled by a hippie. ha! saturday night she took it easy and we had a very mellow evening. i did end up busting my ass on the stairs at the cellar. luckily i was near the bottom and only hit 2 or 3 steps. embarassed?? no, just kept thinking...ew, that's gonna leave a mark.

luke ended up severely spraining his ankle that night and creepy jeff got caught tp'ing carrie's room. liz, gary and i had to school jeff in the fine art of tp'ing. i think we created an intimate love nest for the birthday girl. although i don't think she was too happy about it.

my purses were a hit...got a request for one. new business venture?

i did have a fabulous meal at mrs. trovillion's saturday evening. mozerrella stuffed meatballs...the best, i don't think i can go back to plain ones now, thanks sherry!

aaron and i will be back in carbondale in two weeks for nate's birthday. i think we're gonna do a wine tour...or something along those lines. if you're interested...let me know. actually aaron will be back in carbondale next weekend for caraways graduation. i'm gonna have to pass, 3 weekends in a row is a little too much for me to handle.

bag girl

finished carrie's birthday present and made katie one as well. can you guess who's who?



both bags are reversible. here's the reverse of carrie's.



i'm not too happy with the end result. it wasn't what i pictured in my head at all, mainly because it's difficult to read what it is from a distance. trial and error is all i have to say.

i'll be in the dale for the weekend, so watch out!

my funny friend

email i just received:

Tell BC she needs to turn away from sin and be faithful to the gospel and vote republican and she will be just fine.

a little bribe never hurt anyone

lately when i get to work there's been a straw sitting in front of my computer. the first day i was confused until i realized what it was for. "there's something for you in the freezer." awesome. it's always a venti...biggest frappacino made. and this is how gay i am. today, we had a little set back at work. of course it's all on the ad side of things. matt's swamped and i've been picking up the slack so the paper goes out on time. after the paper's sent, he looks at me and asks...are you sure you don't want to work here part-time? i'll buy you a frap every day you come in to work. and i honestly consider this a pro in my decision making. yes, very gay. now you know my guilty pleasure.

"will you take care of my cats...

...if i die?"

clearly this is a joke. her eyes begin to well up. "are you serious?"

what do you say? what can you say?

"you don't mean this?"

"my life is so fucked up right now."

she begins to tell me everything going wrong - job, finances, health, personal life and i start to understand why she's thinking the way she is.

i tell her things will get better. don't take what they say personally. i just keep reassuring her. i don't know what else to say.

clearly this is a cry for help. i've been on the "make her life better" bandwagon since. trying to find someone that knows someone that can help her get out of the job situation, which i think is 75% of the problem. i'm trying to get out of it myself. but she's worse off. if i had to deal with half the shit she deals with i'd have slit my wrists long ago.

june 16

my tenure at IT will come to an end. i've given an official cease and desist date. only thing now, i've got to decide if i want to work on a part-time basis. i'm leaning more towards the no, because i know i'll be stuck with the shittier parts of the job. maybe if i come up with my own terms, my own hours, i will consider it. i've got a few things lined up. nothing official or structured. i need to get my own freelance business underway, i've been putting it off for entirely too long.

used indesign for the first time, don't know why i've been been putting it off for so long. quark and indesign are almost interchangable. i don't understand how some people can work with one and not the other. i'm not loading quark on my laptop, switching over to mac and adobe completely. aaron's been using the pc. i can't seem to dismantle the thing. it's been sitting there so long, it'd be weird to walk in and the space be empty. it's also convenient to have two computers. aaron has his and i have mine. tony said he can get me creative suite 2. i am pretty happy with what i have now, but it would be nice to have all the latest software. this baby is gonna be jam-packed.

i've gone on a spending spree. cleaned out my closet and made room for a ton of new things. i gave two huge bags full of clothes/shoes to leeanne to give to her 13 year-old daughter, she told me she ended up giving a majority of them to skylar, her 9 year-old. ego boost, i've got the body of a 9 year-old.

i wore one of the skirts i made today. nobody asked me if it was hand-made, so i'd say it was a success. i've got to hem and put a zipper in skirt 2. maybe a project for the weekend. pics to come.

beef ramen

not a good thing, to be home alone with nothing better to do than surf the net. came home today and found another pair of my sunglasses obliterated by miss marley. i have no idea where she found them, i'm almost positive she pulled them off the kitchen table. devil dog. where can i find another cheap pair that are fairly fashionable? ebay, of course. found a quick ending auction and won a pair of boho, fashionista pair. we'll see if i actually wear them.

consequently, i've been on the internet for the past 3 hours. haven't budged from this spot just yet. why beef ramen? my hands smell like the stuff and i keep telling myself to go wash them, but a good song starts playing, so i'm in a vicious cycle. surf, smell, song. ahhhh.

aaron went to the cardinals/pirates game tonight with the caraways. only had one spare ticket. which is fine. i like having a little time alone. had 2 tickets to blast! and considered goin solo. changed my mind after getting home late from work and tried to give the tickets away an hour before showtime. no takers!

ok, i'm going to wash my hands now and get a bite to eat. maybe you'll get to see my recent purchases in a few days!

fire, fire

what a productive and fun weekend.

friday night semens had a bonfire and meal for the residents to meet his histo techs and to see his new lab. we ended up staying there til midnight. as we were leaving, jamie stood up holding hayden and quickly fell back on a hay bail. had a bit too much to drink. she then asked if someone would help her walk with the baby, so i knew she was in no shape to drive. we get to the cars, put her baby bag in and i ask her if tom's gonna drive and she says yes. cool. as we're pulling out i see she's in the driver's seat and i pull up behind them, get out and ask her if she wants me to drive. she quickly says that would be a good idea. so tom hops in with aaron and i drive jamie and the kids to their place. we're on the complete opposite side of town and i'm not sure what's the best way to get there. so i choose to go through town rather than around using the interstates. of course this proves to be a long mistake. lights are never timed right in this town. made a couple of wrong turns but we finally get there. i get out and smell something burning. does your car burn oil? oh, my we just rode all the way home with the e-brake on! i guess i should have looked a little closer at what exactly the warning lights were on the dash. i just assumed it was the check engine light, which always seems to be on in a ford. everyone was home safe, so we'll let it slide. who puts the e-brake on when you're not parked on a hill anyways. that i couldn't understand.

yesterday we ended up in new salem, camping with tom, jamie, xia, tony and the 2 marks. it was fun. actually brought marley along as well. i think we're gonna do it again some time soon. it's always nice to have a break from the norm. i think we're done camping in the dead of summer. i almost gave it up after last year's fiasco, but now i'm looking forward to it.

today spent the entire day outside, doing yard work and fixing the rotting shed in our backyard. stripped the panels off and replaced and painted new ones. felt really handy. i think i may have burned my feet in the process. i can visably see a flip-flop tan line. sweet. i was gonna avoid getting too much sun this year by getting sun-kissed tan from a bottle. of course that didn't go as planned. streak-free is never patch-free. i've been wearing jeans the past 3 days because of it. gotta hop into the shower and clean off 2 days of sweat and dirt.

the space

i posted this as a bulletin but for some reason my bulletins aren't showing up...i think tom has it in for more. probably a good thing. i was going survey crazy.